Wednesday, December 3, 2014


Well I've been simply terrible at posting. I'm still sloooowly working on Atlas's birth story. Life with two is good. It's great. I'm really happy. I should post more. I will. Soon. For now, though, Atlas is seven weeks old and simply delightful. 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Calm in the Chaos

Babe is ten days old, things are mostly good, save a bout of mastitis, and the usual bleeding nipples and sleep deprivation. Trying to work on a birth story.

Monday, October 13, 2014


Atlas Constantine Boddy. More to come. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Still got nothin'

So. Here we are, at the eve of 42 weeks. Wow. Today was actually a good day. Another NST under my belt this morning. Same old thing. Midwife agreed that waiting another day was a sound decision. Did a check, and finally finally finally my cervix appears to be functioning. We're at 3cm now, which is a relief. Still, we waited today and nothing much happened, which means we take the nuclear option in the morning: Artificial rupture of membranes and another round of castor oil and hope for the best.

I feel great, actually. I get to meet my baby tomorrow. I GET TO MEET MY BABY TOMORROW! Somehow or other I will meet my silly little stubborn baby tomorrow.

See you on the flip side!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

No news is bad news...

So. I am still pregnant. No, I don't entirely believe it either. 41 weeks, 5 days, no signs of anything changing now or any time in the near future.

Yesterday was okay. We had a BPP ultrasound and he was the most boring perfect beautiful little thing ever. It was my first time having a late term ultrasound, as Tycho was born before his BPP appointment, and they are strange. Hard to see much of anything, really. But they did they 3D of his face and... he looks exactly like Tycho. And had an estimated weight 9lbs, 4oz, which the tech was afraid to tell me. But been there, done that, no big deal. Yesterday I had a lot of contractions but they never organized themselves into anything productive. But it was an okay day. I didn't feel like the world was ending or any crazy talk.

Today is a different story. Today was castor oil day. You'd think at this far along on my second pregnancy that there is no way castor oil wouldn't work. But I've had not one but two doses of the stuff today, and nothing. Nothing at all, nothing nothing nothing. And sitting around waiting for labor to start is a completely different thing than trying to kickstart it and epicly failing, so today I'm much less stoic about the whole situation. Third day of tears since my due date past, which is still a pretty great track record. But really, what the hell? There is no reason in the universe that this shouldn't have worked but it didn't, and normally I buy into that whole thing where my body knows what it's doing and to trust that things will happen when the time is right, but it's really hard to continue to believe that right now.

The original plan was for tomorrow to be artificial rupture of membranes day, but since my body has responded to nothing at all in the appropriate fashion, I think I'd like to put it off until Monday morning, so if I don't go into labor that my hospital transfer goes a little more smoothly... Another NST in the morning, so we'll see...

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Uncharted Territory

At this point in my last pregnancy, 41+2, I was in labor.

I am not currently in labor.

I am not doing so good. I've really managed to keep this hysterical sobbing thing under control this time around, but we are now venturing into the unknown and I am freaked right the fuck out. I have a biophysical profile ultrasound scheduled for Friday. I had one scheduled with Tycho, too, but he was born before we had to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to drink castor oil, I don't want someone to break my water, I definitely don't want my baby delivered by a doctor I've never met in a hospital room I've never seen. I don't want an IV or labor inducing drugs. It may not be accurate, but I feel like not being in labor right now means that all these things are inevitable. Officially I have five more days, but I feel like I've run out of time.

It's not supposed to happen like this. My first baby was late because he was my first, but my second is supposed to be easier. Everyone assured me that he would show up in a timely manner with no shenanigans. Because number two.  But here we are.

Monday, October 6, 2014


Aaaaand here we are again. I'm overdue. Really overdue. A week, today. I don't know why I thought things would be any different this time, but I did and now I'm bummed because they aren't. Even my midwife was like pffft you won't go that long the second time. But here we are. To be fair, baby still has a couple more days to beat his big brother in punctuality, but at this point I still don't feel like anything is even imminent, and maybe he will turn out to be even more stubborn. Great.

It's interesting how different my feelings are about it this time, though. With Tycho these days past my due date dragged on and on and on forever and I was a miserable mess of tears and hysterics and every moment was an eternity.

This time it's the exact opposite. Time is just flying by. I have no idea how it's already a week past my due date, and it certainly doesn't feel like there is enough time left for me to into labor and have a baby before I hit that all important 42 week deadline. Time is moving too fast for me to have a baby by then. So my panicking is of a different nature. And fortunately, it is more in the background, because hey, I have a three year old, sobbing breakdowns just aren't on my agenda so much right now.

Anyhow. That's the boring boring still pregnant update. Hopefully there is more exciting news soon.

Monday, September 29, 2014


Today is my due date.

I'm actually doing pretty okay. It's almost 10pm and I've made it this far with no tears, which is far greater than I expected.

It helps to have a plan, I think. I knew I needed to keep myself busy today. Fortunately it's Kyle's day off work, so we had a family date after Tycho got home from school. Just brunch and walking around the drizzly, deserted zoo (the best time to go!), but it was a happy thing.

It was for me, but also for Tycho. His world is about to change so much. He only has a few more days (hopefully only a few) to be our one and only. I had hoped to do more fun exciting Tycho things before the baby got here, but life has gotten in the way. The zoo isn't super special, but it was fun and he got to have Mama and Daddy all to himself.

I can't wait to meet my new baby, but I'm also going to miss flying solo with my first.

All photos by the amazing Ashley Vos  as usual.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


So with all the other excitement going on lately, I totally missed blogging about pretty much the most important thing ever: PRESCHOOL!

It's been a little more than a week now, and so far so good. No, so far, excellent. Easiest transition ever. Even though I was soooo excited for school I was also nervous about how it was going to go over. We haven't ever really left Tycho with anyone that wasn't a close friend or family member, that he already knew well, so sending him off to hang out with strangers... well, who knows how that will go down?

But the Friday before class started we took him to the open house, and he was immediately totally comfortable in the classroom and with his teachers. So Monday morning we cold-turkey-ed it and stuck him on a school bus and sent him on his way.

Crazy! But it was great. Zero tears, easy peasy, and then he was gone. His teacher called me as soon as she stuck him on the bus at the end of the day (the end of the day, ha! 11am), to let me know that he had a great day, zero crying, was on his way back to us. And that was it!

It's very strange, though. We can't get him to tell us anything about his school day once he gets home. I ask him what he ate for snack and he always tells me "cereal and apple juice" which I'm pretty sure is not even close to true and today when he got off the bus he told me alligators were going to eat me, but really I have no idea what happens in the three hours he's gone each day. And I've never had that before. Obviously with two working parents, Tycho has spent a fair amount of time in the care of others, but since it's always been people that are close to us, I've always had a good first hand account of everything that's been going on with him. And now there is a part of his life that belongs just to him and not to me anymore. I'm not sad, but it's new, and it's only going to get bigger as he gets older. That's good, I think, but still. Different.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Dress Rehearsal

So last night I thought I was in labor.

Actually, scratch that. I didn't. I was pretty sure that it wasn't really happening, but my friends and my uterus and my fear of giving birth alone convinced me it might be. But it wasn't. So we had a home birth dress rehearsal of sorts.

I started having contractions around 5 pm. Real ones. Not hard ones, but they were there none-the-less. My best friend of course is out of town shooting a wedding and so it was the worst possible day for me to go into labor. So I park my butt on the couch to rest and hopefully will them to stop. But they don't stop.

I'm hemming and hawing, but updating my friends who are convinced things are really happening even though I'm refusing to even try to time them because I am in denial about the whole thing. Apparently my pain tolerance is not to be trusted because I had an easy labor with Tycho and I get tattooed for four hours while barely even flinching. Okay, I guess. I tell Kyle eventually that he might want to come home from work.

When I finally start timing them they are six, no, four and a half, no, three minutes apart. But still easy. Really really easy. But enough that I would prefer you leave me alone while I deal with them, and close enough together for long enough that... well maybe we should call the midwife?

Long story short, everyone converges on our house. Midwives get there and I say I'm sure when you check it's going to be nothing.... and yeah. Nothing. 1 cm dilated, whoop-de-doo. She says it doesn't seem like a labor cervix. No surprise there. And then everyone packs up and leaves and I feel like an idiot. Drink a bunch of water to calm things down and try to sleep.

So. That happened. It was the worst. I feel like an ass. And I feel even more done being pregnant that I did before, because even though I didn't think it was happening, some tiny little part of me was so excited to meet my baby and I'm sad I still have to wait.

But there is some good here. I feel better now about trusting my gut. I KNEW when I was finally really in labor with Tycho and I KNEW when it was time to head into the birth center even though no one thought I was far enough along. And last night I knew it wasn't time. So my intuition is good. We are going to trust it. No more second guessing myself.

And I feel even better now about my home birth. I've been feeling pretty confident about it for some time (after initially being terribly nervous when we first made an official decision), but envisioning having my baby here felt so right. And my support team that came to help me out felt good. And Tycho was so great and I really think it is the right thing to include him. So we know what we are doing and we are confident and ready and things are going to be a piece of cake when the time really comes, right?

Hopefully it will come soon.

Sunday, September 14, 2014


So plans seems to have a tendency to change.

As of last Tuesday, I guess, I am on maternity leave. I had planned to work up until the 20th, which will be a couple days before I hit 39 weeks, but I manage to misalign my pubic symphysis, and I'm mostly okay unless I'm doing a lot of walking. But retail, so a lot of walking is practically my job description. So, I'm at home on the couch. I feel... weird about it. On the one hand, it does feel very nice to actually be taking care of myself, and every time I do manage to overdo it, I'm like YEP, RIGHT DECISION.

But it's also anti-climactic. The last day I was at work I left halfway through my shift because I was in too much pain, so it just feels like there is a lack of closure and a bunch of dangling loose ends and such. Too late now, I guess.

So feelings, lots of different ones, but mostly I just feel relieved. And ready to get this show on the road.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Updates, the usual.

Oh poor blog that no one reads!

I swear I mean to post, and maybe probably there have actually been things to post about, but I haven't, and that is lame. I actually really like having the record to go back and look upon, remember things that otherwise would have been forgotten, but to make that possible you have to do the record-taking in the first place.

Baby-prep is the biggest thing happening in my life right now, surprise surprise. It took until a couple of weeks ago for me to even be more than sort of casually aware of my pregnancy, but now I'm 100% pregnant 100% of the time. I am exhausted and cranky and enormous and disagreeable. But it's good that I'm finally able to focus on this, so we can actually be prepared for, you know, the birth and having a newborn and all that.

We are officially officially having a home birth. I'm sooooo excited, I can't even explain. At first I was very on the fence about doing it at home vs. another go at the birth center, but really, this makes much more sense for us. We are stupid far away from the center now that we have bought our house, and it makes sense to have Tycho in his own space and to disrupt him as little as possible. He can be present for as much or as little of the birth stuff as he wants, or if he is asleep when I am in labor we don't have to disturb him or whatever. My mom is officially in charge of keeping him happy during labor, but it will be so much easier if he can be in his own space. Anyway, my birth kit is about 80% assembled, I've reserved my labor tub rental, my mom's been spending my days off from work for me going through baby things and getting my house ready for impending events. We've pushed through most of the big stuff that had been weighing on me, and now I feel nothing but excitement and readiness and let's get this show on the road! I'm 36 weeks today, so another seven days, and baby boy is welcome to show up whenever. Officially my maternity leave isn't starting until September 21, but I wouldn't be adverse to leaving before then.

Tycho is ding great, too. He is excited for the baby, as much as he can be. We've really done everything possible to prepare him for the birth and the new baby, but really there is only so much you can do to prepare a three year old and regardless it's going to be a shock to the system for him. Now that we're closing in on the end I'm feeling a little emotional about the loss of my "only" child. But I'm hoping that in the long run having a brother will be way more awesome than having mommy all to himself.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Compassionate Parenting

Thoughts for tonight...

It can be really hard to have compassion for a tantrumming toddler. Really really hard. When it's been a long day and I'm on my own for the evening and I didn't sleep well last night and I'm very very pregnant and he is working my last nerve. And I do what I am supposed to do and I draw boundaries and dole out consequences... and then what?

He's three. Even if he didn't listen and he misbehaved and a timeout is well and fully deserved does not make his upset at being there invalid. Of course he's upset. And even though I've already had it, maybe it's better for me to just love him through it.

No, I will not back down, and no I'm not reading that book now that you earlier refused because you had your chance at a nice bedtime routine and you blew it, but YES, that is really sad and it's okay to feel sad about it and I'm sorry you're feeling sad and I will sit here with you and hold you until you feel better and we will try again tomorrow.

I could have just thrown my hands up and walked out and closed the door and he would have yelled for a few minutes and then gone to sleep on his own, but this was better for both of us I think. It's so hard when I'm already exhausted to remain calm in the middle of it all and feel with him. His feelings are important because that is how he is learning. And I'm learning, too. And I think we did an okay job with today.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


My baby dude Tycho turns three tomorrow. Kind of incredible. I'm normally not a pinterest-mom, but sometimes you just want your kid to wake up in the morning to something special.

Saturday, July 19, 2014


We're back in town. Well, we've been back in town, but I haven't posted anything because I am lazy and no good. And now I'm back to work and life is boring again. But I should tell you about our trip!

IT WAS GREAT. I mean, an international trip with a three year old (almost!) while seven months pregnant sounds like any sane woman's nightmare, but it went really awesome. First of all, Tycho. He is just the best thing ever in the entire world ever. Period. He was 100% perfect amazing. For a toddler, at least.

It probably helped that I was PREPARED AS FUCK. I had been exploring the (completely insane and delightful LET ME TELL YOU) world of woven wraps for baby number two, and ordered my first a couple weeks before we left. And so had to try it out with Tycho. Now, I won't claim that it is easy to carry a 41lb kid on your back while you are pregnant, but I liked it enough that I brought it along.  And thank god for that. We literally would not have made it there and back without. And I was exhausted, but I felt like a goddamned super mom.

Carrying him was not an option, and we had too much luggage to really keep track of him on foot, so thank goodness I could wear him. It was hard, and it was exhausting, but it was awesome.

And then he did amazing on our flight. (Both ways, actually.) I was DREADING ten hours in the air with nowhere to run around with this kid. It sounded like a recipe for disaster. DISASTER. But I packed him exciting presents to unwrap and unlimited peanut butter sandwiches and his seat had its own easily navigable tv screen, so he was happy as a clam for the entire freaking flight. Both ways. OMG. And then he was good for the subsequent subway (two lines), train (another 2.5 hours), and car ride (35 minutes) to get to our destination.

The manor house we were staying in was incredible. Most of my trips to Europe (god, I'm such a snob) have been to large cities, and we were out in the tiniest ever town of Sassetot-le-Manconduit, in the Normandy country side, a billion years away from anything. With the cows and the goats. In a nine hundred year old manor. That was gorgeous but also had running water and plenty of electrical outlets and a modern kitchen and wifi internet. So basically perfection.

It was so good to see my sister again after almost a year. We do a good job of regular video chats, but nothing is the same as seeing someone in person. She was stressed out from wedding planning and getting on my last nerve, but as soon as we were in the same space all the annoyance was gone and I was so happy to be with my sister! (And yes, we did have a 4th of July party in France, of course!)

Tycho also recognized her right away, even though a year in toddler time is actually forever, and that was amazing. And since my parents and my aunt and uncle were also there, he got really comfortable really fast, and everyone else staying in the manor seemed to be okay with him by association. We pretty much let him run amok in the manor the whole trip and he got lots of quality time with various and sundry family members.

The wedding itself... needs it's own post, which I will eventually get to. It was one of those days where every last little thing goes wrong. A comedy of errors, if you will. But one that all came together beautifully in the end, thank goodness.

And after we got through wedding festivities, we had a few days to actually do a little low-key sight seeing. 

The way home was slightly more complicated than the trip there, simply because we didn't have as much time to get between our train stopping in Paris and the airport, and CDG is a mess of checkpoints and security lines, and Kyle is pretty much the world's grumpiest traveller, but we did in fact make it back to Seattle, so I think we did all right. 

And then I had an additional three days off work, so I didn't feel like I was going to die. That was nice too. 

Sunday, July 6, 2014


I'm in France with my family and my sister got married yesterday and there is so much to tell, but for now I just have one thing to show you.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

The usual disasters.

Oh hey. It's been a month since I've written, so I should perhaps update before we leave the country for two weeks.

Oh right, that. We leave on Tuesday for France for my sister's wedding! Apparently I like going to France while I'm pregnant. I'm more excited to be there at 27 weeks than at 12 though. I was still so sick last time that I didn't feel like I got to enjoy anything.

Although I've barely been able to get myself excited about this trip either. Besides it being an incredible expense for us (international plane tickets for three people; please kill me), I've been so busy in the months leading up to it, what with the whole being pregnant thing and Tycho's EI adventure and my Grandpa's funeral and the subsequent sale of his house (saaaaaaaaad) and my in laws (Kyle's parents and all the BILs) visiting earlier this month, I've barely put any thought or planning into this trip beyond getting my vacation time approved.

And then everything went all to hell when I went to pick up my bridesmaid dress from the salon. I was afraid I would be swimming it in, because the consultants talked me into ordering it 3 sizes larger than I measured. And then it was three inches too small. Oh. But okay, don't panic, get someone to put a corset back in that sucker and it will be all good. Thank Maude we ordered extra fabric.

Went to my final fitting on Friday. We were hoping I could take it home that day, but there might be a couple tweaks that needed to be done over the weekend. I go to try it on and... it's a mess. I terrible terrible no good unwearable mess. So we discuss ripping out two weeks of alterations and starting from scratch. Four days before I have to leave. With plans to spend my entire Monday afternoon the day before we leave hanging around the shop. Like I need that stress.

By the time I got to Ashley's to pick up Tycho I was thisclose to hyperventilating, and planning to take Tycho to the mall with me at 7pm for emergency backup formalwear because OMG. But Ashley is a delightful human being, and told me to leave Tycho with her husband, and she would come with me. Thank god. I needed the moral support.

Do you know how scary it is to try to find a black tie appropriate purple gown that fits off the rack with no notice at 27 weeks pregnant? I was sweating. And so we went to Nordstrom. And found not one, but two dresses that fit the bill and looked awesome to choose from. That I actually loved and weren't just a sad substitute. Say what?

So. New bridesmaid dress, whatever. More money dumped into this trip, but at this point another $200 is just a drop in the bucket and well worth minimizing my stress level. Originally I was planning on returning whatever backup I had purchased in the event that we somehow magically got my first dress working by go time, but I like new one so much I called my alterations lady and told her not to kill herself trying to fix it. Because I need to stop worrying about it. So. Yeah. It all works out in the end I suppose. Unless I grow another five inches in the next six days. Please no.

At the very least I had the foresight to take off two buffer days on either side of our trip. I'm 95% packed for Tycho and I, so today is simply getting Tycho's haircut and buying airplane snacks, and tomorrow all I have to do it get my hair/nails/etc. taken care of. I'm actually... relaxing on my vacation? It's kind of awesome. Especially considering how NOT relaxing the last several months have been. We leave in less than 48 hours, and I'm FINALLY excited about this trip. Phew.

Catch you on the flip side, blog. With lots of photos, of course.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Good and Bad

The good: Wednesday afternoon brought us Tycho's very first ever IEP meeting. It was great! We are now just waiting for school placement, but starting this fall he'll be going to developmental preschool for a three hour session Monday-Thursday, with DOOR TO DOOR BUS SERVICE  OMG. It's official and I feel like I can breathe a little bit better for the first time since I started worrying about this in, oh, I don't know, February?

Anyway, the team met and we have official goals for Tycho for next year, and I find them to be laughably optimistic, but that's okay, because professionals are going to help us work on them. And if at the end of next school year I have a potty-trained kid who can dress himself and transition between activities without having a meltdown I will probably die of happiness.

In other news, the bad: I am sick as fuck. Ended up in the ER on Monday afternoon. I spent several hours considering if it was really worth it to brave the emergency room on a fucking holiday, but in the end I was puking all the time and couldn't even keep down water and was getting totally dehydrated and therefore hysterical and weepy. And then I realized I hadn't felt the babe move since that morning and I made Kyle pack up Tycho and take us in. Zofran and IV fluids and fetal heart tones, oh my!

We explained to Tycho that I was too sick to drink water with my mouth so I was going to drink it through my arm instead and he miraculously didn't freak the fuck out and was actually pretty well behaved considering he spent five hours in a hospital room with me.

My midwife told me I was okay to tough it out, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm still not well, and now I'm going on a week of being sick. I'm better than I was on Monday, but I'm still on the BRAT diet and taking Zofran around the clock and probably mildly dehydrated and exhausted and uncomfortable and let's throw in some round ligament pain and debilitating heartburn for good measure. I'm at that point in my illness where I don't remember not being sick, and I've given up the possibility of ever feeling well again, thinking about how I'm going to manage feeling this bad at my sister's wedding which is OVER A MONTH AWAY.  Hopefully this passes.

Sunday, May 25, 2014


Also in big news, we found out about a week and a half ago that we are having another son! Tycho went form always answering that he wanted a sister, to being adamantly pro-brother about three days before our ultrasound. Not that he really understands what either of those words means, but oh well.

I'm so excited! I really and truly did not have a preference, even though literally no one actually believed me on that. People told me they were hoping for a girl for me, like that would be some sort of extra gift. I don't understand. The only thing I'm bummed about is no getting to use our girl name, because I really loved it. But after a couple days of discussion we picked a named for this baby (to be announced) and I am in love with it.

Funny, now the he is in fact a he and has pronouns and a name and all that and that things feel more definite and real and he kicks me all the time and makes his presence known... I am just so impatient to meet him. Until a week ago I was pretty contentedly plodding along in the pregnancy and then all of the sudden I have no more patience, I do not want to wait any longer, I just want to fast forward to September and meet this little dude. I never felt the way with Tycho, even when I was tired of being pregnant I was also facing a complete unknown and I felt less than prepared for parenting and I wasn't going to be ready for him until he was thrust upon me, but this time I have all the confidence in the world that I can mother a newborn and I don't want to wait any longer to get there.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

IEP time!

Too many things to share! Let's start here.

Tycho is IN! He's in!!!! He will be enrolling the school district's developmental preschool in the fall. Four half days a week, transportation provided (omg the short bus!!), amazing. I'm so relieved and happy and nervous and emotionssssss! We have his very first IEP meeting next week, but I was finally able to actually talk to his social worker person on the phone instead of the series of voicemails we had been leaving each other, and it looks like that meeting is mostly going to be details, and the big stuff that I was worried about is all going to be fine and it's going to be so good for him and he is going to thrive. My goal for him to be on target and mainstreamed by kindergarten feels reachable and everything is awesome. I think he's going to love it.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Let's pretend...

So this happened today:

I know he just looks like a normal almost three year old sitting on a train in a firefighter jacket and a viking hat, but that's just it: a normal almost three year old doing normal almost three year old things. This is the first time he has ever in his life played dress up. Ever. And he was pumped. And it was awesome. And I loved every second of it.

Pretend play and dramatization come up on the evaluations all the time, and it's just not something Tycho does. And it doesn't worry me too much, normally, because normally I don't look at milestone charts because I don't want to lose my mind, but combined with his lack of interest in drawing (especially drawing anything that he claims is an actual thing) and his disinterest in home-type toys like baby dolls or pretend food, it sits in the back of your head and makes you wonder.

So this was pretty incredible. I love you, my little viking firefighter train conductor.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

EI, round two.

Oh poor neglected blog. I am here. I swear.

Big happenings in my life lately. Lots of things, but specifically Tycho's EI journey.

As I have mentioned before, when Tycho turned three this July, his early intervention care transfers over to the school district. Last Friday was his official eligibility playgroup evaluation. And I couldn't get out of work. Terrifying. But Kyle is a highly capable parent, too, and took him. It was the first big meeting I have missed, and now Kyle has officially been to more than me, but oh well. My mom anxiety was high but it was fine.

He qualifies! In 4/5 areas he is somewhere between age appropriate and moderately delayed, but not enough to qualify for services. Normally you need to be delayed in two areas to qualify, but he is SO behind in adaptive skills that that alone qualified him. Yay? I guess. We're glad he's in.

But it's not over yet, oh no. They can't make any of this straightforward or easy. We had assumed that if he was in he'd be into the preschool program, but apparently we have to wait until his first IEP meeting (omg!) and there we will discuss if he should be in preschool or get some other kind of (in home?) therapy. Please please please let him get into the preschool. So now I get to worry about that for a while. Great.

But he's getting help in some way, and that is good. Because he needs the help and we need help helping him.

this is the best day ever.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

life and death

I've been meaning to post again, mostly good things. That I'm seeming to come into that second trimester boost of energy, that I actually look pregnant and not like I ate a big lunch, that the weather is kind of incredible and we're spending lots of time outside, that Tycho is AGE APPROPRIATE in speech and we are officially discontinuing his speech therapy. Lots of wonderful.

And then my Grandpa died last night. We knew it was coming, but it's still like a punch in the gut. And pregnancy hormones really magnify any emotions tenfold. I'm having a lot of feels.

Grandpa with the Girls

Tycho meeting one of his Great-Grandpa Jacks

Tycho and his great grandpa

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Low Risk Again

I suppose I should update after that last post, yeah? I'm sure you all are hanging on the edge of your seats. Or not.

Anyway, everything is good. I did any excellent job of NOT PANICKING up until the night before my follow-up ultrasound. Pretty good for me, especially when I'm all hopped up on pregnancy hormones. Omphalocele is gone and we're back to being boring and normal, low-risk, etc., which is exactly where I would like to be. Exhale.

Pregnancy is otherwise boring. Which is good. And honestly, this time around I don't end up thinking about it much because I don't really have the time, with a full time job and a toddler. However, things seem to be taking a bigger physical toll on me this time. I'm still not obviously pregnant, but I already feel like I'm harboring a bowling ball that is ready to roll out of my abdomen at any moment. I'm sleeping terribly. I'm already getting a little heartburn, and my morning sickness hasn't even gone away yet. I still don't like food. And I had my first pee-sneeeze the other day, which I'm pretty sure didn't happen with my previous pregnancy until I hit my due date. I had to lay down on the kitchen floor in the middle of slicing up some strawberries for Tycho today because I felt like I was going to pass out. I'm a little afraid I'm just going to skip that happy place 2nd trimester having energy and feeling good phase altogether. Hopefully we get there soon.

Friday, March 14, 2014


We had our NT scan yesterday. My baby is... not perfect?

Mostly everything was good. The NT stuff is totally fine, and I'm not expecting the bloodwork to say anything different. Baby appears to have all the appropriate parts and appendages. But baby also still has some intestinal bits left on the outside. We were probably just a little earlier (especially since my midwives moved up my due date and I still think they're wrong), and most likely things will resolve themselves here shortly, but it's weird being in this place where things aren't quite right. I go back in two weeks to recheck, and I'm really not worried at all, but I still feel weird that I can't say everything is perfect because everything is not perfectly perfect. Hopefully it will be again soon.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Big brother :)

This is what happens when your best friend is a photographer.

We're facebook-official now.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.

Okay, perhaps that is just a tad dramatic. But when Tycho turns three in July he will age out of the birth-to-three early intervention program that he's in, and EI is transferred to the school district, and tomorrow we have out first transition meeting at his school with his therapists and the school district representatives and I am feeling nauseous for reasons other than just pregnancy.

I guess they have to officially tell us what's going on three months before his birthday, which means we start the eval process now. I honestly have no idea what will happen. I don't think he will qualify for services in speech anymore, but who knows in the other categories. I have really no idea what he is supposed to be doing right now anyway, according to the charts, because I haven't looked at them since we got him into his school. Because they are crazy-making.

I'm so nervous. I still feel super green when it comes to advocating for my kid and apparently it's even harder to qualify for services through the school district than it was for Boyer and I'm happy that he's made so much progress but I know he's not 100% caught up yet and he would so benefit and omg free preschool 5 days a week would be absolutely incredible for our family. At least we have everyone from Boyer there with us for these meetings to help us through. Whatever happens happens. And we are working on a preschool backup plan in the case that he doesn't get in, because school is just amazing for him. It will all be okay, I just wish it wasn't so hard.

Also, really, if preschool is so super beneficial and free public school is a basic right, then why the fuck isn't there free public preschool? For real.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Niiiiine weeks.

What? So while I feel horrifically impatient I do have to admit that this round of pregnancy really is flying by compared to last time. I periodically have the chance to forget that I am in fact pregnant because there is too much other shit going on in my life for it to be constantly at the forefront in my brain. But then there are smells and I remember. It would be nice to feel not sick or like actually eating non-carbohydrate food or something, though. Soon enough I guess.

Gut feeling this time around is girl. Not as strong a feeling as I had with Tycho, and I don't believe in gut feelings anyway, but it would be convenient because we've agreed on a girl name and then stopped discussing names altogether. But I've definitely started thinking about the baby as she and her hypothetical name, so there.

Kyle has somehow convinced himself we are having twins, which I wish he had never said aloud because the very idea makes me break out into a cold sweat. He doesn't want them either, but a friend teased him that he would inevitably have twin daughters and then apparently I spooked him by pointing out how ginormous I am (but I mean really!), so now he is slightly freaking out. And for some reason we asked Tycho if he wanted one or two babies this morning and he said two babies because of course. I don't know. Things are pretty good though, despite the twin paranoia and the nausea and the zits and constipation and my delightful night-owl first born suddenly waking up at 7am every day for the last week, when I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. Yes, that. Mostly good? Mostly pretty good.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When everything goes as planned

Kyle left on Sunday morning for a business trip and he won't be home until tomorrow night. And that, frankly, is a terrifying thing. Being pregnant, single momming, working full time. I think I can manage two out of three at any given time, but alas, I didn't much of a choice.

However, Tycho has been a complete ANGEL this week, and I am not the sort to call my kid an angel, well, ever, because that's weird. But really. He has been sweet and adorable and easy and perfect and SIIIIIIGH and because I am all pregnant and hormonal I cry about how amazing he is.

I think I'm going to have him sleep in bed with me tonight because I just love him too much to keep him in another room.

Friday, February 21, 2014


The problem with being pregnant (well, one of them) is that everything tastes wrong. Except for chocolate. Chocolate still tastes like chocolate and chocolate tastes delicious, so you just eat a lot of chocolate to the exclusion of everything else because it's the only thing you can trust.

Yep I am super healthy.

Thursday, February 20, 2014


This is what eight weeks pregnant looks like the second time around:

What kind of fuckery is this?

Obligatory updates.

I feel neglectful of the blog but I still don't have much to say other than how much I feel like barfing all the time. All I really want to do is complain about stupid minor pregnant problems on Facebook but I can't because we haven't officially announced anything and I'm hormonal and grumpy all the time and I am kind of taking it out on Kyle.

I also haven't posted about Tycho in ages either. He is... kind of amazing. His speech therapist thinks he will be at age appropriate when we do his transition evaluation next month. He is starting to use like, actual legitimate sentences here and there. We bought him some books about babies. Nothing "big brother" specific quite yet, but just general info on how babies grow and he very much likes the "Egg Book" and he can say egg and sperm and uterus and I showed him the pictures we have from his birth and he said "Ouch! Mama sad! Mama push!" Basically he is adorable.

Today is eight weeks. I look roughly as pregnant as I did at about 20 weeks with Tycho, especially in the evening. Pictures later.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

And the weeks march on.

So remember how I was like, oh I won't take any more belly pictures until things start happening? And then how three days later I couldn't button my pants?

My girlfriends told me it happens faster the second time around, but I still wasn't prepared. Here's five & six weeks. I'm fully in maternity pants 100% of the time and I don't even care.

In other superficial nonsense, I discovered that Kyle accidentally donated 95% of my maternity stuff from when I was pregnant with Tycho when I tried to dig it out of storage in the garage. I may have cried. Because hormones. And also fashion. And because I meticulously saved EVERYTHING so it wouldn't be so damned hard to feel good about how I look this time around.

Alas, I was left with two pairs of jeans, one top, and one dress, and the top is falling apart because I wore it so much. So I have been shopping up a storm with little care for price tags because I need to feel comfortable and cute and I'm not interested on putting a price on that. Blah. I can't believe I spend so much energy on maternity clothes but I do, oh well.

In other news, being pregnant is bullshit. Barf barf barf barf barf god do I hate barfing and my boobs still hurt and Tycho is always climbing on me and using my uterus as a jumping off point and did I mention barf? Wake me up when we get to the good part.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Things do not always go as planned.

Yesterday, after spending our afternoon crafting for my sister's wedding, my mom and I were about to head out with Tycho to get some dinner when we got the call. Well, text. Called 911, taking Grandpa to the ER. No other details. Not even which hospital.

We just start driving, and figure out where we are supposed to be going. He had a massive stroke. On top of a million and one other ailments.

I told him he has another great grandchild on the way. He liked that. I hadn't planned to share so early, but you need good news on a night like that.

Things are looking up today. They got him there quick, and he is responding well to treatment. Time will tell what his recovery will look like. My mom says he remembers my news from last night and he is very excited. Okay.

Thursday, January 23, 2014


Four weeks today, I guess. I don't know that I can obsess over every little detail of this pregnancy like I did the last one. I can hear Tycho stirring form his nap right now. And by that I mean banging on his bedroom door for me to let him out. So far so good though. Morning sickness can suck a big bag of dicks, but besides that (and the boobs), I feel okay. I still have an appetite, which is nice, and the oppressive fatigue has not yet kicked in. But I really do wish I had more time to day dream.

Belly pictures are back by popular demand (well, my mother's). Here's today:

I'll have to get back into the habit of taking these things, and hopefully make them look not terrible. I'll probably hold off on more pictures until anything start happening, but for now, this is the starting point.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


Not even four weeks pregnant (tomorrow!) and morning sickness has hit. Great. I think last round I made it to seven weeks or so without barfing, but I am less than confident I will make it so long this time. Awful.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Round Two

The feels, I have all of them.

Mostly good ones. I am completely over the moon excited, grinning like an idiot, can't imagine keeping this a secret for any length of time, already scheduled my first midwife appointment even though it isn't until March because I just can't wait.

I went bananas on baby name research and we went from having no ideas a couple days ago to being pretty sure on a girl name and I love it so much and I want this baby to be a girl so I can use it, the same way I wanted for Tycho to be a boy so we could name him that.

Tycho... won't even listen to us try to explain a baby. It's early, I know, but I want to at least start getting him familiarized with the idea that a baby grows in a mama's belly and then we can eventually extrapolate from there, but he won't hear me on anything. But deep breaths, we have lots of time.

And then we rough-housed and he punched me in my already-sore boobs. And that is how the second pregnancy differs from the first.

Monday, January 20, 2014

One Year

It's been a year since I went off birth control. A long, hard, depressing year. A year of really long irregular cycles and fleeting, phantom symptoms, and disappointment. I've been having a hard time. Kyle didn't really understand, because we really hand't be trying very, AHEM, hard, and we took a couple of months off so we made sure we'd be able to fly out to my sister's wedding this summer, but none of that changes that it is a whole year since I decided I wanted a baby and that we completely missed the two to three year window that we originally wanted to space our children and that this stuff is hard and it hurts and WHY ME.

Saturday we went bridesmaid dress shopping for my sister's wedding. I won't lie, I was having a hard time getting excited about it, because I was sure I'd already have a baby at her wedding, and then I was SURE I'd be pregnant, but now I don't even know what to think. I would need to buy a dress that would look good either way, but that's probably impossible.

Saturday morning was cycle day 35. Not surprising lately, though. We've done a better job this month actually trying, but zero symptoms, so I was already bummed. But I had an extra test lying around, and since girls shopping day also was going to involve a lot a day drinking, I peed on a stick.

I have never been shocked by a test before! Every minus I've ever seen I expected, and I knew I was pregnant with Tycho before I could even get a positive result. But this! I thought I might be seeing things, but although faint, that line is unmistakable.

I just... !!!! EMOTIONS! I have been on cloud nine. I tried on a fake belly with the dress I bought and I didn't want to take it off and I can't stop smiling and the crazy ouchy boobs kicked in later that day and OMG OMG OMG!

I have a million more thoughts and feelings about this but for now I'm just a happy pile of goo. You can keep a secret, right, blog?


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