Monday, January 20, 2014

One Year

It's been a year since I went off birth control. A long, hard, depressing year. A year of really long irregular cycles and fleeting, phantom symptoms, and disappointment. I've been having a hard time. Kyle didn't really understand, because we really hand't be trying very, AHEM, hard, and we took a couple of months off so we made sure we'd be able to fly out to my sister's wedding this summer, but none of that changes that it is a whole year since I decided I wanted a baby and that we completely missed the two to three year window that we originally wanted to space our children and that this stuff is hard and it hurts and WHY ME.

Saturday we went bridesmaid dress shopping for my sister's wedding. I won't lie, I was having a hard time getting excited about it, because I was sure I'd already have a baby at her wedding, and then I was SURE I'd be pregnant, but now I don't even know what to think. I would need to buy a dress that would look good either way, but that's probably impossible.

Saturday morning was cycle day 35. Not surprising lately, though. We've done a better job this month actually trying, but zero symptoms, so I was already bummed. But I had an extra test lying around, and since girls shopping day also was going to involve a lot a day drinking, I peed on a stick.

I have never been shocked by a test before! Every minus I've ever seen I expected, and I knew I was pregnant with Tycho before I could even get a positive result. But this! I thought I might be seeing things, but although faint, that line is unmistakable.

I just... !!!! EMOTIONS! I have been on cloud nine. I tried on a fake belly with the dress I bought and I didn't want to take it off and I can't stop smiling and the crazy ouchy boobs kicked in later that day and OMG OMG OMG!

I have a million more thoughts and feelings about this but for now I'm just a happy pile of goo. You can keep a secret, right, blog?

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