Okay, so. I meant to write this post before it actually happened, but it's been over a month, oh well.
I am back at work. And it's kind of awesome, actually.
Everyone said it would be really hard, and you know? It's not. At all. I almost feel guilty about it not being hard. Almost. But not quite. I'm really happy to be back.
It helps that I was really ready to return. I was ready several weeks ago, actually. 18 weeks of maternity leave is quite a long time, and to be perfectly honest I was bored. My baby, while adorable and perfect and amazing, is a tiny dictator, and even though he is "good" (as if a baby could be bad) and not colicky or anything like that, he is very demanding and wants face-time attention at all times and only cat naps on my person, and damn if that's not draining. By the time Kyle would get home in the evening all I could say was TAKE THIS THING AWAY FROM ME! But, evening time is boob time, apparently, so no such luck. Anyway. Too much baby time for me. Not enough grownup time. And maybe it's stupid, but I was missing wearing clothing that I want to remain unsullied by baby vomit or doesn't necessarily allow access to my boobs at a moments notice and like, high heels! Sometimes, at least.
Maybe it's blasphemy, but I don't really miss him when I'm gone. When I pick him up at daycare or from Grandma sometimes all the missing him I should have been doing wells up the moment I see him and I get all misty, but during my actual workday I am fine. In fact, there have been n tears at all. I thought I would be a hot mess my first day back, and I wasn't. And I'm glad.
I was concerned about the breastfeeding thing, but so far that seems to be a non-issue. I'm able to pump enough while I'm away to cover his needs, and then some. I hate the actual pumping, but you do what you gotta do. And fortunately no one at work thinks it's a big deal either, since we share a single office, and I'm pumping (with a cover) in mixed company.
So work is good. We still haven't exactly mastered the home routine that goes along with two parents employed outside the home, so everything else is a hot mess, but work is good.