Sunday, March 31, 2013


It had now been three weeks since I last nursed Tycho. And everything is all fucked up. Well, not everything. Just poop. It's gross. It's all the time. It makes bedtime last for hours. I hate it.

I'm guessing a dairy sensitivity. He has, of course, had cow's milk (and yogurt and cheese) in abundance since he turned a year, but I think that my breastmilk kept his digestive system in check, and now without it everything's going haywire. Bummer.

So, it's elimination diet time. Right now we're giving him half cow's milk and half coconut milk to get him used to it, and once he'll take coconut we'll try a week without dairy and see what happens. Hopefully it helps, because I am so tired of being up to my ears in poop. If all seems good we'll try adding cheese and yogurt back in. I hope he can have them, because he loves the shit out of yogurt and I love cheese and don't want to have to hide it from him, because you know that baby's favorite foods are whatever is on mama's plate.

I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Cycle Two

I finally got my period after a 45 day cycle. Which doesn't correlate at all with any fertility signs I had. Maybe this was an anovulatory cycle. I don't know. I don't like not knowing. I know I said I wasn't going to temp this go 'round, and let things happen "naturally," whatever that means, but I hate not knowing where I am and what's going on. So maybe I'm going to start again? I don't know. I just want to get pregnant and be done with it.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Weaning Mama.

(Yes, another post about weaning. I know.)

Tycho nursed for the last time eleven days ago. I think that means it's official. I've still got a little milk, but I don't think I will breastfeed Tycho again. Sigh.

He's doing great. I was so worried that it would be hard and there would be lots of tears and I might give in and decide now is not the right time, but I guess it was. He certainly hasn't looked back. We're still adjusting a little with how much he needs to eat, but really it's been a non issue.

I'm doing.. less awesome? I have a cold. Of course. And my period is about a million years late. I'm not really charting right now, but I'm roughly keeping track of fertility signs and what have you and while the timing wasn't perfect... maybe? But I didn't feel pregnant. So I gave my body an ultimatum: a period by Sunday or I would take a test.

I thought by throwing that out into the universe my period was sure to show up immediately. But instead I got every pregnancy symptom in the book: Mystery cramping, sensitivity to smells, food aversions and cravings, nausea, fatigue, the whole nine yards. The only thing I didn't experience was breast tenderness, but I think my boobs have been through enough, don't you?

I started to get hopeful and excited about my little maybe baby. Silly me. But I had a negative test on Sunday evening, and another negative the next morning, too. And had I actually been pregnant, it would have definitely been late enough to test. So I wasn't. I'm not. I'm sad. But I went to my mama class on Monday, and a couple friends confirmed that they too thought they were pregnant for the week right after they weaned.

All of those symptoms have faded away now. My period is still MIA, so I'm thinking I probably never actually ovulated at all, that it was delayed for some reason. I'm also finally coming down off this oxytocin withdrawal from weaning and no longer feel (so much) like crawling into bed for eternity, but I'm sad about the baby that I thought was having that never really existed and I still and congested and have a terrible cough, and am just generally feeling kind of meh. Strangely enough, weaning has absolutely been the hardest thing about breastfeeding.

And it's funny, I was so worried about how Tycho was going to take weaning that I didn't even think it about how it would affect me.

Thursday, March 14, 2013


We decided to take the plunge. Tycho had been down to nursing once a day in the mornings for a few weeks, sometimes skipping a day entirely because I left for work before he woke up. And that last nursing session was becoming less and less fun for me. I couldn't get him to focus anymore. He'd suck for a minute and then get distracted, but don't you dare put that boob away, mama. Or he would stay latched while doing what I can only describe as baby yoga in my lap. I just felt so. Very. Done.

So we did it. I had to work overnight all week long this week, so it seemed to me like the perfect opportunity. On Sunday morning, while we nursed for the last time (very pleasantly, actually, I might add), I explained that he was a big boy now and after this he wasn't going to nurse anymore and he could have milk in a cup or water or a snack instead. No idea how much actually sunk in, but I feel better doing it. and I'm glad it was a planned thing so I could savor those last moments of our nursing relationship. And then, because I was out so late with work Kyle got up with the baby and let me sleep in. We've let him watch a movie every morning, because that keeps him distracted for a little while, and then once he's been up for a few hours he's fine.

It's been four days. It's been... really easy. Too easy? He has barely even asked and not protested at all when I've said no and my feelings are a little hurt even though this is what I wanted. I've been in a horrible funk and feeling anxious and depressed about nothing, and I'm taking it very personally, and it dawned on my when I was driving home from work this morning at 3 am that I am going through oxytocin withdrawal and OF COURSE I feel like ass. At least I know now that hopefully this dark cloud will pass and I'm not in need of antidepressants again or something. I hope.

Anyway. Weaned. Tycho is weaned. Probably. Weird.

Monday, March 4, 2013


Tycho can say bath now. Well, baf. Baf Baf baf all he wants is a bath. Even if he just got out of the bath.

When Tycho takes a bath, everybody takes a bath. Splash splash, I am soaked head to toe, and so is everything in the bathroom. When I start draining the tub it's "oh no! oh no!" and lots of tears when we have to get out.  Sigh.

Everytime we go upstairs, "Baf?? Baf!" and he runs into the bathroom. Sorry, babe, actually it's naptime.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


On Friday my mom and I took Tycho to the Pacific Science Center.

Taking him to museums is hard at this age. He doesn't do well with transitions, because obviously whatever activity he is doing right now is OMG THE BEST EVER I WANT TO STAY HERE FOREVER MAMA WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE ME AWAY??? And then there is a lot of crying and rolling around on the floor. Yep. We are those people.

HOWEVER. We took him into the butterfly house and it was the best time ever. He was just completely amazed and awestruck at it all and I was completely reveling in his experience of it. So amazing. He'd been once before, about a year ago, but this was completely different. And I have a million billion pictures of the experience, because he was just so darn cute with his oohing and aahing and delighted giggles and every single other person in the exhibit thought he was the best ever because he is the best ever.

Without further ado:


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