Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Christmas Recap

So here it is, the usual rundown of our holiday.

But this year it was anything but usual. We planned to have dinner on Christmas Eve at my parents house, and then host them for breakfast and present-opening with Tycho the next morning.

It was hectic getting things together on time, because this time of year my work schedule is insane, and our house cleaner no-showed the week of and everything was a disaster. We rescheduled with the agency for a cleaner to come on the evening of the 24th, theoretically to clean while we were at dinner. I felt terrible and planned to give her a gazillion dollar tip. Anyway, it's five pm, I'm wrapping presents before we leave for dinner, and Kyle is showing the new cleaner around the house and the power goes out. On Christmas Eve. ON CHRISTMAS EVE. So, we wait for a few, hoping it will come back on, but it looks like the whole block is out, stoplights and everything, and I have zero faith that anything will be done about it in a timely manner.

Be proud of me; I did not panic. We were in no condition to host in the morning, so I called my dad and told him we were moving Christmas there. In the dark (because obviously we don't own flashlights or candles), by the light of Kyle's phone, we packed up all the presents, some still not wrapped, all of our clothes and toiletries, and all of the groceries for breakfast the next morning, while Tycho was watching Daniel Tiger on my phone to keep him from panicking. And it all went... great? Besides Kyle getting the flu, which I suppose isn't so great, but we moved everything more or less without a hitch, and Tycho had a great Christmas.

"Santa" brought Tycho a train set for Christmas, and I didn't want to be overwhelmed with new toys, I asked friends and family to keep it to additions to his set (or, even better, donate to his school, but people like buying THINGS, it seems). I had less than high hopes, but mostly we got a lot of train stuff, and it all fits together in one box and we have both a happy baby and a happy mama.

Two and a half was just the perfect age for Christmas. He loved opening presents, but didn't go bananas and try to tear through everything and was pleasant and excited and adorable and it was wonderful. And I have graduated to full motherhood, because I did not care one bit what might have been under the tree for me because I was having so much fun experiencing everything through him.

Monday, December 30, 2013


I should probably post a bunch of things about the holidays and this year and whatever, before it is next year, but first, I got a tattoo!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The worst ever Christmas songs.

This year I am having a really hard time getting into the holiday spirit. And the sudden ubiquity of terrible Christmas music certainly isn't helping, either. So, here is a list of Christmas song that I hate, because I am a horrible grinchy asshole. I am also the only person in the world who doesn't like A Charlie Brown Christmas. Anyway, enjoy! Or, like, don't.

1.  Nat "King" Cole - All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

This song is terrible in general, but it's even worse when sung by an adult male, who does in fact have all of his teeth, and has not even the faintest hint of a lisp. What the fuck is even the point?

2. Josh Groban - Silent Night

Or really anything by Josh Groban. Self importance and children's choirs. No thank you.

3. The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping

OMG this song. It's not even a song. It's a boring first person narrative about a mediocre holiday season set to obnoxious background music. Eight holiday season in retail listening to this song multiple times daily has driven me to the brink of insanity.

4. Paul McCartney -  Wonderful Christmas Time

This song is just so incredibly stupid. Like I am losing IQ points right now listening to it.

4. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

Do I really need to explain why this song is terrible in every possible way? No no no no no.

5.  Marvin Gaye - Purple Snowflakes

What the fuck is this I don't even.

6. Jimmy Eat World - Last Christmas

I actually love the original Wham! version of this song with all of it's delightful cheesiness, but this is the worst cover ever. They don't add any personality to the song (and in fact sap out anything that was there in the first place), and DON'T SING ANY OF THE VERSES AND JUST REPEAT THE CHORUS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I mean really. Were they too lazy to look up the lyrics and just recorded the parts they already knew? What in the actual fuck?

7. Sheryl Crow - The Christmas Song

Sheryl Crow? Really? Basically any version of this song by a mediocre pop star is just terrible. If you are not like, Bing Crosby or Michael Bublé, just don't even attempt it.

8. Barbra Streisand - Jingle Bells

Go home, Babs, you're drunk.

9. Sleigh Ride

Just any fucking version of this song. I'm still recovering from playing the saxophone part at the winter concert every single year in middle school band. God, this is just the worst.

10. Kay Starr - I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm (STUHR remix)

I don't even have a legitimate reason for hating this song, but it makes me irrationally angry every time I hear it. All day. Every day. Retail, man.

I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest.


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