Thursday, August 7, 2014

Compassionate Parenting

Thoughts for tonight...

It can be really hard to have compassion for a tantrumming toddler. Really really hard. When it's been a long day and I'm on my own for the evening and I didn't sleep well last night and I'm very very pregnant and he is working my last nerve. And I do what I am supposed to do and I draw boundaries and dole out consequences... and then what?

He's three. Even if he didn't listen and he misbehaved and a timeout is well and fully deserved does not make his upset at being there invalid. Of course he's upset. And even though I've already had it, maybe it's better for me to just love him through it.

No, I will not back down, and no I'm not reading that book now that you earlier refused because you had your chance at a nice bedtime routine and you blew it, but YES, that is really sad and it's okay to feel sad about it and I'm sorry you're feeling sad and I will sit here with you and hold you until you feel better and we will try again tomorrow.

I could have just thrown my hands up and walked out and closed the door and he would have yelled for a few minutes and then gone to sleep on his own, but this was better for both of us I think. It's so hard when I'm already exhausted to remain calm in the middle of it all and feel with him. His feelings are important because that is how he is learning. And I'm learning, too. And I think we did an okay job with today.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

3

My baby dude Tycho turns three tomorrow. Kind of incredible. I'm normally not a pinterest-mom, but sometimes you just want your kid to wake up in the morning to something special.


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Survived

We're back in town. Well, we've been back in town, but I haven't posted anything because I am lazy and no good. And now I'm back to work and life is boring again. But I should tell you about our trip!

IT WAS GREAT. I mean, an international trip with a three year old (almost!) while seven months pregnant sounds like any sane woman's nightmare, but it went really awesome. First of all, Tycho. He is just the best thing ever in the entire world ever. Period. He was 100% perfect amazing. For a toddler, at least.

It probably helped that I was PREPARED AS FUCK. I had been exploring the (completely insane and delightful LET ME TELL YOU) world of woven wraps for baby number two, and ordered my first a couple weeks before we left. And so had to try it out with Tycho. Now, I won't claim that it is easy to carry a 41lb kid on your back while you are pregnant, but I liked it enough that I brought it along.  And thank god for that. We literally would not have made it there and back without. And I was exhausted, but I felt like a goddamned super mom.


Carrying him was not an option, and we had too much luggage to really keep track of him on foot, so thank goodness I could wear him. It was hard, and it was exhausting, but it was awesome.

And then he did amazing on our flight. (Both ways, actually.) I was DREADING ten hours in the air with nowhere to run around with this kid. It sounded like a recipe for disaster. DISASTER. But I packed him exciting presents to unwrap and unlimited peanut butter sandwiches and his seat had its own easily navigable tv screen, so he was happy as a clam for the entire freaking flight. Both ways. OMG. And then he was good for the subsequent subway (two lines), train (another 2.5 hours), and car ride (35 minutes) to get to our destination.


The manor house we were staying in was incredible. Most of my trips to Europe (god, I'm such a snob) have been to large cities, and we were out in the tiniest ever town of Sassetot-le-Manconduit, in the Normandy country side, a billion years away from anything. With the cows and the goats. In a nine hundred year old manor. That was gorgeous but also had running water and plenty of electrical outlets and a modern kitchen and wifi internet. So basically perfection.


It was so good to see my sister again after almost a year. We do a good job of regular video chats, but nothing is the same as seeing someone in person. She was stressed out from wedding planning and getting on my last nerve, but as soon as we were in the same space all the annoyance was gone and I was so happy to be with my sister! (And yes, we did have a 4th of July party in France, of course!)


Tycho also recognized her right away, even though a year in toddler time is actually forever, and that was amazing. And since my parents and my aunt and uncle were also there, he got really comfortable really fast, and everyone else staying in the manor seemed to be okay with him by association. We pretty much let him run amok in the manor the whole trip and he got lots of quality time with various and sundry family members.


The wedding itself... needs it's own post, which I will eventually get to. It was one of those days where every last little thing goes wrong. A comedy of errors, if you will. But one that all came together beautifully in the end, thank goodness.

And after we got through wedding festivities, we had a few days to actually do a little low-key sight seeing. 


The way home was slightly more complicated than the trip there, simply because we didn't have as much time to get between our train stopping in Paris and the airport, and CDG is a mess of checkpoints and security lines, and Kyle is pretty much the world's grumpiest traveller, but we did in fact make it back to Seattle, so I think we did all right. 

And then I had an additional three days off work, so I didn't feel like I was going to die. That was nice too. 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

.

I'm in France with my family and my sister got married yesterday and there is so much to tell, but for now I just have one thing to show you.


Sunday, June 29, 2014

The usual disasters.

Oh hey. It's been a month since I've written, so I should perhaps update before we leave the country for two weeks.

Oh right, that. We leave on Tuesday for France for my sister's wedding! Apparently I like going to France while I'm pregnant. I'm more excited to be there at 27 weeks than at 12 though. I was still so sick last time that I didn't feel like I got to enjoy anything.

Although I've barely been able to get myself excited about this trip either. Besides it being an incredible expense for us (international plane tickets for three people; please kill me), I've been so busy in the months leading up to it, what with the whole being pregnant thing and Tycho's EI adventure and my Grandpa's funeral and the subsequent sale of his house (saaaaaaaaad) and my in laws (Kyle's parents and all the BILs) visiting earlier this month, I've barely put any thought or planning into this trip beyond getting my vacation time approved.

And then everything went all to hell when I went to pick up my bridesmaid dress from the salon. I was afraid I would be swimming it in, because the consultants talked me into ordering it 3 sizes larger than I measured. And then it was three inches too small. Oh. But okay, don't panic, get someone to put a corset back in that sucker and it will be all good. Thank Maude we ordered extra fabric.

Went to my final fitting on Friday. We were hoping I could take it home that day, but there might be a couple tweaks that needed to be done over the weekend. I go to try it on and... it's a mess. I terrible terrible no good unwearable mess. So we discuss ripping out two weeks of alterations and starting from scratch. Four days before I have to leave. With plans to spend my entire Monday afternoon the day before we leave hanging around the shop. Like I need that stress.

By the time I got to Ashley's to pick up Tycho I was thisclose to hyperventilating, and planning to take Tycho to the mall with me at 7pm for emergency backup formalwear because OMG. But Ashley is a delightful human being, and told me to leave Tycho with her husband, and she would come with me. Thank god. I needed the moral support.

Do you know how scary it is to try to find a black tie appropriate purple gown that fits off the rack with no notice at 27 weeks pregnant? I was sweating. And so we went to Nordstrom. And found not one, but two dresses that fit the bill and looked awesome to choose from. That I actually loved and weren't just a sad substitute. Say what?

So. New bridesmaid dress, whatever. More money dumped into this trip, but at this point another $200 is just a drop in the bucket and well worth minimizing my stress level. Originally I was planning on returning whatever backup I had purchased in the event that we somehow magically got my first dress working by go time, but I like new one so much I called my alterations lady and told her not to kill herself trying to fix it. Because I need to stop worrying about it. So. Yeah. It all works out in the end I suppose. Unless I grow another five inches in the next six days. Please no.

At the very least I had the foresight to take off two buffer days on either side of our trip. I'm 95% packed for Tycho and I, so today is simply getting Tycho's haircut and buying airplane snacks, and tomorrow all I have to do it get my hair/nails/etc. taken care of. I'm actually... relaxing on my vacation? It's kind of awesome. Especially considering how NOT relaxing the last several months have been. We leave in less than 48 hours, and I'm FINALLY excited about this trip. Phew.




Catch you on the flip side, blog. With lots of photos, of course.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Good and Bad

The good: Wednesday afternoon brought us Tycho's very first ever IEP meeting. It was great! We are now just waiting for school placement, but starting this fall he'll be going to developmental preschool for a three hour session Monday-Thursday, with DOOR TO DOOR BUS SERVICE  OMG. It's official and I feel like I can breathe a little bit better for the first time since I started worrying about this in, oh, I don't know, February?

Anyway, the team met and we have official goals for Tycho for next year, and I find them to be laughably optimistic, but that's okay, because professionals are going to help us work on them. And if at the end of next school year I have a potty-trained kid who can dress himself and transition between activities without having a meltdown I will probably die of happiness.

In other news, the bad: I am sick as fuck. Ended up in the ER on Monday afternoon. I spent several hours considering if it was really worth it to brave the emergency room on a fucking holiday, but in the end I was puking all the time and couldn't even keep down water and was getting totally dehydrated and therefore hysterical and weepy. And then I realized I hadn't felt the babe move since that morning and I made Kyle pack up Tycho and take us in. Zofran and IV fluids and fetal heart tones, oh my!


We explained to Tycho that I was too sick to drink water with my mouth so I was going to drink it through my arm instead and he miraculously didn't freak the fuck out and was actually pretty well behaved considering he spent five hours in a hospital room with me.


My midwife told me I was okay to tough it out, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm still not well, and now I'm going on a week of being sick. I'm better than I was on Monday, but I'm still on the BRAT diet and taking Zofran around the clock and probably mildly dehydrated and exhausted and uncomfortable and let's throw in some round ligament pain and debilitating heartburn for good measure. I'm at that point in my illness where I don't remember not being sick, and I've given up the possibility of ever feeling well again, thinking about how I'm going to manage feeling this bad at my sister's wedding which is OVER A MONTH AWAY.  Hopefully this passes.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Him

Also in big news, we found out about a week and a half ago that we are having another son! Tycho went form always answering that he wanted a sister, to being adamantly pro-brother about three days before our ultrasound. Not that he really understands what either of those words means, but oh well.

I'm so excited! I really and truly did not have a preference, even though literally no one actually believed me on that. People told me they were hoping for a girl for me, like that would be some sort of extra gift. I don't understand. The only thing I'm bummed about is no getting to use our girl name, because I really loved it. But after a couple days of discussion we picked a named for this baby (to be announced) and I am in love with it.

Funny, now the he is in fact a he and has pronouns and a name and all that and that things feel more definite and real and he kicks me all the time and makes his presence known... I am just so impatient to meet him. Until a week ago I was pretty contentedly plodding along in the pregnancy and then all of the sudden I have no more patience, I do not want to wait any longer, I just want to fast forward to September and meet this little dude. I never felt the way with Tycho, even when I was tired of being pregnant I was also facing a complete unknown and I felt less than prepared for parenting and I wasn't going to be ready for him until he was thrust upon me, but this time I have all the confidence in the world that I can mother a newborn and I don't want to wait any longer to get there.


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

IEP time!

Too many things to share! Let's start here.


Tycho is IN! He's in!!!! He will be enrolling the school district's developmental preschool in the fall. Four half days a week, transportation provided (omg the short bus!!), amazing. I'm so relieved and happy and nervous and emotionssssss! We have his very first IEP meeting next week, but I was finally able to actually talk to his social worker person on the phone instead of the series of voicemails we had been leaving each other, and it looks like that meeting is mostly going to be details, and the big stuff that I was worried about is all going to be fine and it's going to be so good for him and he is going to thrive. My goal for him to be on target and mainstreamed by kindergarten feels reachable and everything is awesome. I think he's going to love it.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Let's pretend...

So this happened today:


I know he just looks like a normal almost three year old sitting on a train in a firefighter jacket and a viking hat, but that's just it: a normal almost three year old doing normal almost three year old things. This is the first time he has ever in his life played dress up. Ever. And he was pumped. And it was awesome. And I loved every second of it.

Pretend play and dramatization come up on the evaluations all the time, and it's just not something Tycho does. And it doesn't worry me too much, normally, because normally I don't look at milestone charts because I don't want to lose my mind, but combined with his lack of interest in drawing (especially drawing anything that he claims is an actual thing) and his disinterest in home-type toys like baby dolls or pretend food, it sits in the back of your head and makes you wonder.

So this was pretty incredible. I love you, my little viking firefighter train conductor.


Sunday, May 4, 2014

EI, round two.

Oh poor neglected blog. I am here. I swear.


Big happenings in my life lately. Lots of things, but specifically Tycho's EI journey.

As I have mentioned before, when Tycho turned three this July, his early intervention care transfers over to the school district. Last Friday was his official eligibility playgroup evaluation. And I couldn't get out of work. Terrifying. But Kyle is a highly capable parent, too, and took him. It was the first big meeting I have missed, and now Kyle has officially been to more than me, but oh well. My mom anxiety was high but it was fine.

He qualifies! In 4/5 areas he is somewhere between age appropriate and moderately delayed, but not enough to qualify for services. Normally you need to be delayed in two areas to qualify, but he is SO behind in adaptive skills that that alone qualified him. Yay? I guess. We're glad he's in.

But it's not over yet, oh no. They can't make any of this straightforward or easy. We had assumed that if he was in he'd be into the preschool program, but apparently we have to wait until his first IEP meeting (omg!) and there we will discuss if he should be in preschool or get some other kind of (in home?) therapy. Please please please let him get into the preschool. So now I get to worry about that for a while. Great.

But he's getting help in some way, and that is good. Because he needs the help and we need help helping him.


this is the best day ever.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

life and death

I've been meaning to post again, mostly good things. That I'm seeming to come into that second trimester boost of energy, that I actually look pregnant and not like I ate a big lunch, that the weather is kind of incredible and we're spending lots of time outside, that Tycho is AGE APPROPRIATE in speech and we are officially discontinuing his speech therapy. Lots of wonderful.

And then my Grandpa died last night. We knew it was coming, but it's still like a punch in the gut. And pregnancy hormones really magnify any emotions tenfold. I'm having a lot of feels.


Grandpa with the Girls

Tycho meeting one of his Great-Grandpa Jacks

Tycho and his great grandpa

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Low Risk Again

I suppose I should update after that last post, yeah? I'm sure you all are hanging on the edge of your seats. Or not.


Anyway, everything is good. I did any excellent job of NOT PANICKING up until the night before my follow-up ultrasound. Pretty good for me, especially when I'm all hopped up on pregnancy hormones. Omphalocele is gone and we're back to being boring and normal, low-risk, etc., which is exactly where I would like to be. Exhale.


Pregnancy is otherwise boring. Which is good. And honestly, this time around I don't end up thinking about it much because I don't really have the time, with a full time job and a toddler. However, things seem to be taking a bigger physical toll on me this time. I'm still not obviously pregnant, but I already feel like I'm harboring a bowling ball that is ready to roll out of my abdomen at any moment. I'm sleeping terribly. I'm already getting a little heartburn, and my morning sickness hasn't even gone away yet. I still don't like food. And I had my first pee-sneeeze the other day, which I'm pretty sure didn't happen with my previous pregnancy until I hit my due date. I had to lay down on the kitchen floor in the middle of slicing up some strawberries for Tycho today because I felt like I was going to pass out. I'm a little afraid I'm just going to skip that happy place 2nd trimester having energy and feeling good phase altogether. Hopefully we get there soon.

Friday, March 14, 2014

So.

We had our NT scan yesterday. My baby is... not perfect?

Mostly everything was good. The NT stuff is totally fine, and I'm not expecting the bloodwork to say anything different. Baby appears to have all the appropriate parts and appendages. But baby also still has some intestinal bits left on the outside. We were probably just a little earlier (especially since my midwives moved up my due date and I still think they're wrong), and most likely things will resolve themselves here shortly, but it's weird being in this place where things aren't quite right. I go back in two weeks to recheck, and I'm really not worried at all, but I still feel weird that I can't say everything is perfect because everything is not perfectly perfect. Hopefully it will be again soon.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Big brother :)

This is what happens when your best friend is a photographer.







We're facebook-official now.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Transition

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.

Okay, perhaps that is just a tad dramatic. But when Tycho turns three in July he will age out of the birth-to-three early intervention program that he's in, and EI is transferred to the school district, and tomorrow we have out first transition meeting at his school with his therapists and the school district representatives and I am feeling nauseous for reasons other than just pregnancy.

I guess they have to officially tell us what's going on three months before his birthday, which means we start the eval process now. I honestly have no idea what will happen. I don't think he will qualify for services in speech anymore, but who knows in the other categories. I have really no idea what he is supposed to be doing right now anyway, according to the charts, because I haven't looked at them since we got him into his school. Because they are crazy-making.

I'm so nervous. I still feel super green when it comes to advocating for my kid and apparently it's even harder to qualify for services through the school district than it was for Boyer and I'm happy that he's made so much progress but I know he's not 100% caught up yet and he would so benefit and omg free preschool 5 days a week would be absolutely incredible for our family. At least we have everyone from Boyer there with us for these meetings to help us through. Whatever happens happens. And we are working on a preschool backup plan in the case that he doesn't get in, because school is just amazing for him. It will all be okay, I just wish it wasn't so hard.



Also, really, if preschool is so super beneficial and free public school is a basic right, then why the fuck isn't there free public preschool? For real.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Niiiiine weeks.

What? So while I feel horrifically impatient I do have to admit that this round of pregnancy really is flying by compared to last time. I periodically have the chance to forget that I am in fact pregnant because there is too much other shit going on in my life for it to be constantly at the forefront in my brain. But then there are smells and I remember. It would be nice to feel not sick or like actually eating non-carbohydrate food or something, though. Soon enough I guess.


Gut feeling this time around is girl. Not as strong a feeling as I had with Tycho, and I don't believe in gut feelings anyway, but it would be convenient because we've agreed on a girl name and then stopped discussing names altogether. But I've definitely started thinking about the baby as she and her hypothetical name, so there.

Kyle has somehow convinced himself we are having twins, which I wish he had never said aloud because the very idea makes me break out into a cold sweat. He doesn't want them either, but a friend teased him that he would inevitably have twin daughters and then apparently I spooked him by pointing out how ginormous I am (but I mean really!), so now he is slightly freaking out. And for some reason we asked Tycho if he wanted one or two babies this morning and he said two babies because of course. I don't know. Things are pretty good though, despite the twin paranoia and the nausea and the zits and constipation and my delightful night-owl first born suddenly waking up at 7am every day for the last week, when I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. Yes, that. Mostly good? Mostly pretty good.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When everything goes as planned

Kyle left on Sunday morning for a business trip and he won't be home until tomorrow night. And that, frankly, is a terrifying thing. Being pregnant, single momming, working full time. I think I can manage two out of three at any given time, but alas, I didn't much of a choice.

However, Tycho has been a complete ANGEL this week, and I am not the sort to call my kid an angel, well, ever, because that's weird. But really. He has been sweet and adorable and easy and perfect and SIIIIIIGH and because I am all pregnant and hormonal I cry about how amazing he is.

I think I'm going to have him sleep in bed with me tonight because I just love him too much to keep him in another room.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Taste

The problem with being pregnant (well, one of them) is that everything tastes wrong. Except for chocolate. Chocolate still tastes like chocolate and chocolate tastes delicious, so you just eat a lot of chocolate to the exclusion of everything else because it's the only thing you can trust.

Yep I am super healthy.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

2.8

This is what eight weeks pregnant looks like the second time around:


What kind of fuckery is this?

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