Saturday, April 12, 2014

life and death

I've been meaning to post again, mostly good things. That I'm seeming to come into that second trimester boost of energy, that I actually look pregnant and not like I ate a big lunch, that the weather is kind of incredible and we're spending lots of time outside, that Tycho is AGE APPROPRIATE in speech and we are officially discontinuing his speech therapy. Lots of wonderful.

And then my Grandpa died last night. We knew it was coming, but it's still like a punch in the gut. And pregnancy hormones really magnify any emotions tenfold. I'm having a lot of feels.


Grandpa with the Girls

Tycho meeting one of his Great-Grandpa Jacks

Tycho and his great grandpa

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Low Risk Again

I suppose I should update after that last post, yeah? I'm sure you all are hanging on the edge of your seats. Or not.


Anyway, everything is good. I did any excellent job of NOT PANICKING up until the night before my follow-up ultrasound. Pretty good for me, especially when I'm all hopped up on pregnancy hormones. Omphalocele is gone and we're back to being boring and normal, low-risk, etc., which is exactly where I would like to be. Exhale.


Pregnancy is otherwise boring. Which is good. And honestly, this time around I don't end up thinking about it much because I don't really have the time, with a full time job and a toddler. However, things seem to be taking a bigger physical toll on me this time. I'm still not obviously pregnant, but I already feel like I'm harboring a bowling ball that is ready to roll out of my abdomen at any moment. I'm sleeping terribly. I'm already getting a little heartburn, and my morning sickness hasn't even gone away yet. I still don't like food. And I had my first pee-sneeeze the other day, which I'm pretty sure didn't happen with my previous pregnancy until I hit my due date. I had to lay down on the kitchen floor in the middle of slicing up some strawberries for Tycho today because I felt like I was going to pass out. I'm a little afraid I'm just going to skip that happy place 2nd trimester having energy and feeling good phase altogether. Hopefully we get there soon.

Friday, March 14, 2014

So.

We had our NT scan yesterday. My baby is... not perfect?

Mostly everything was good. The NT stuff is totally fine, and I'm not expecting the bloodwork to say anything different. Baby appears to have all the appropriate parts and appendages. But baby also still has some intestinal bits left on the outside. We were probably just a little earlier (especially since my midwives moved up my due date and I still think they're wrong), and most likely things will resolve themselves here shortly, but it's weird being in this place where things aren't quite right. I go back in two weeks to recheck, and I'm really not worried at all, but I still feel weird that I can't say everything is perfect because everything is not perfectly perfect. Hopefully it will be again soon.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Big brother :)

This is what happens when your best friend is a photographer.







We're facebook-official now.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Transition

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.

Okay, perhaps that is just a tad dramatic. But when Tycho turns three in July he will age out of the birth-to-three early intervention program that he's in, and EI is transferred to the school district, and tomorrow we have out first transition meeting at his school with his therapists and the school district representatives and I am feeling nauseous for reasons other than just pregnancy.

I guess they have to officially tell us what's going on three months before his birthday, which means we start the eval process now. I honestly have no idea what will happen. I don't think he will qualify for services in speech anymore, but who knows in the other categories. I have really no idea what he is supposed to be doing right now anyway, according to the charts, because I haven't looked at them since we got him into his school. Because they are crazy-making.

I'm so nervous. I still feel super green when it comes to advocating for my kid and apparently it's even harder to qualify for services through the school district than it was for Boyer and I'm happy that he's made so much progress but I know he's not 100% caught up yet and he would so benefit and omg free preschool 5 days a week would be absolutely incredible for our family. At least we have everyone from Boyer there with us for these meetings to help us through. Whatever happens happens. And we are working on a preschool backup plan in the case that he doesn't get in, because school is just amazing for him. It will all be okay, I just wish it wasn't so hard.



Also, really, if preschool is so super beneficial and free public school is a basic right, then why the fuck isn't there free public preschool? For real.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Niiiiine weeks.

What? So while I feel horrifically impatient I do have to admit that this round of pregnancy really is flying by compared to last time. I periodically have the chance to forget that I am in fact pregnant because there is too much other shit going on in my life for it to be constantly at the forefront in my brain. But then there are smells and I remember. It would be nice to feel not sick or like actually eating non-carbohydrate food or something, though. Soon enough I guess.


Gut feeling this time around is girl. Not as strong a feeling as I had with Tycho, and I don't believe in gut feelings anyway, but it would be convenient because we've agreed on a girl name and then stopped discussing names altogether. But I've definitely started thinking about the baby as she and her hypothetical name, so there.

Kyle has somehow convinced himself we are having twins, which I wish he had never said aloud because the very idea makes me break out into a cold sweat. He doesn't want them either, but a friend teased him that he would inevitably have twin daughters and then apparently I spooked him by pointing out how ginormous I am (but I mean really!), so now he is slightly freaking out. And for some reason we asked Tycho if he wanted one or two babies this morning and he said two babies because of course. I don't know. Things are pretty good though, despite the twin paranoia and the nausea and the zits and constipation and my delightful night-owl first born suddenly waking up at 7am every day for the last week, when I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. Yes, that. Mostly good? Mostly pretty good.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When everything goes as planned

Kyle left on Sunday morning for a business trip and he won't be home until tomorrow night. And that, frankly, is a terrifying thing. Being pregnant, single momming, working full time. I think I can manage two out of three at any given time, but alas, I didn't much of a choice.

However, Tycho has been a complete ANGEL this week, and I am not the sort to call my kid an angel, well, ever, because that's weird. But really. He has been sweet and adorable and easy and perfect and SIIIIIIGH and because I am all pregnant and hormonal I cry about how amazing he is.

I think I'm going to have him sleep in bed with me tonight because I just love him too much to keep him in another room.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Taste

The problem with being pregnant (well, one of them) is that everything tastes wrong. Except for chocolate. Chocolate still tastes like chocolate and chocolate tastes delicious, so you just eat a lot of chocolate to the exclusion of everything else because it's the only thing you can trust.

Yep I am super healthy.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

2.8

This is what eight weeks pregnant looks like the second time around:


What kind of fuckery is this?

Obligatory updates.

I feel neglectful of the blog but I still don't have much to say other than how much I feel like barfing all the time. All I really want to do is complain about stupid minor pregnant problems on Facebook but I can't because we haven't officially announced anything and I'm hormonal and grumpy all the time and I am kind of taking it out on Kyle.

I also haven't posted about Tycho in ages either. He is... kind of amazing. His speech therapist thinks he will be at age appropriate when we do his transition evaluation next month. He is starting to use like, actual legitimate sentences here and there. We bought him some books about babies. Nothing "big brother" specific quite yet, but just general info on how babies grow and he very much likes the "Egg Book" and he can say egg and sperm and uterus and I showed him the pictures we have from his birth and he said "Ouch! Mama sad! Mama push!" Basically he is adorable.

Today is eight weeks. I look roughly as pregnant as I did at about 20 weeks with Tycho, especially in the evening. Pictures later.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

And the weeks march on.

So remember how I was like, oh I won't take any more belly pictures until things start happening? And then how three days later I couldn't button my pants?

My girlfriends told me it happens faster the second time around, but I still wasn't prepared. Here's five & six weeks. I'm fully in maternity pants 100% of the time and I don't even care.


In other superficial nonsense, I discovered that Kyle accidentally donated 95% of my maternity stuff from when I was pregnant with Tycho when I tried to dig it out of storage in the garage. I may have cried. Because hormones. And also fashion. And because I meticulously saved EVERYTHING so it wouldn't be so damned hard to feel good about how I look this time around.

Alas, I was left with two pairs of jeans, one top, and one dress, and the top is falling apart because I wore it so much. So I have been shopping up a storm with little care for price tags because I need to feel comfortable and cute and I'm not interested on putting a price on that. Blah. I can't believe I spend so much energy on maternity clothes but I do, oh well.



In other news, being pregnant is bullshit. Barf barf barf barf barf god do I hate barfing and my boobs still hurt and Tycho is always climbing on me and using my uterus as a jumping off point and did I mention barf? Wake me up when we get to the good part.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Things do not always go as planned.

Yesterday, after spending our afternoon crafting for my sister's wedding, my mom and I were about to head out with Tycho to get some dinner when we got the call. Well, text. Called 911, taking Grandpa to the ER. No other details. Not even which hospital.

We just start driving, and figure out where we are supposed to be going. He had a massive stroke. On top of a million and one other ailments.

I told him he has another great grandchild on the way. He liked that. I hadn't planned to share so early, but you need good news on a night like that.

Things are looking up today. They got him there quick, and he is responding well to treatment. Time will tell what his recovery will look like. My mom says he remembers my news from last night and he is very excited. Okay.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

2.4

Four weeks today, I guess. I don't know that I can obsess over every little detail of this pregnancy like I did the last one. I can hear Tycho stirring form his nap right now. And by that I mean banging on his bedroom door for me to let him out. So far so good though. Morning sickness can suck a big bag of dicks, but besides that (and the boobs), I feel okay. I still have an appetite, which is nice, and the oppressive fatigue has not yet kicked in. But I really do wish I had more time to day dream.

Belly pictures are back by popular demand (well, my mother's). Here's today:


I'll have to get back into the habit of taking these things, and hopefully make them look not terrible. I'll probably hold off on more pictures until anything start happening, but for now, this is the starting point.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

gag

Not even four weeks pregnant (tomorrow!) and morning sickness has hit. Great. I think last round I made it to seven weeks or so without barfing, but I am less than confident I will make it so long this time. Awful.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Round Two

The feels, I have all of them.


Mostly good ones. I am completely over the moon excited, grinning like an idiot, can't imagine keeping this a secret for any length of time, already scheduled my first midwife appointment even though it isn't until March because I just can't wait.

I went bananas on baby name research and we went from having no ideas a couple days ago to being pretty sure on a girl name and I love it so much and I want this baby to be a girl so I can use it, the same way I wanted for Tycho to be a boy so we could name him that.

Tycho... won't even listen to us try to explain a baby. It's early, I know, but I want to at least start getting him familiarized with the idea that a baby grows in a mama's belly and then we can eventually extrapolate from there, but he won't hear me on anything. But deep breaths, we have lots of time.

And then we rough-housed and he punched me in my already-sore boobs. And that is how the second pregnancy differs from the first.

Monday, January 20, 2014

One Year

It's been a year since I went off birth control. A long, hard, depressing year. A year of really long irregular cycles and fleeting, phantom symptoms, and disappointment. I've been having a hard time. Kyle didn't really understand, because we really hand't be trying very, AHEM, hard, and we took a couple of months off so we made sure we'd be able to fly out to my sister's wedding this summer, but none of that changes that it is a whole year since I decided I wanted a baby and that we completely missed the two to three year window that we originally wanted to space our children and that this stuff is hard and it hurts and WHY ME.

Saturday we went bridesmaid dress shopping for my sister's wedding. I won't lie, I was having a hard time getting excited about it, because I was sure I'd already have a baby at her wedding, and then I was SURE I'd be pregnant, but now I don't even know what to think. I would need to buy a dress that would look good either way, but that's probably impossible.

Saturday morning was cycle day 35. Not surprising lately, though. We've done a better job this month actually trying, but zero symptoms, so I was already bummed. But I had an extra test lying around, and since girls shopping day also was going to involve a lot a day drinking, I peed on a stick.


I have never been shocked by a test before! Every minus I've ever seen I expected, and I knew I was pregnant with Tycho before I could even get a positive result. But this! I thought I might be seeing things, but although faint, that line is unmistakable.



I just... !!!! EMOTIONS! I have been on cloud nine. I tried on a fake belly with the dress I bought and I didn't want to take it off and I can't stop smiling and the crazy ouchy boobs kicked in later that day and OMG OMG OMG!



I have a million more thoughts and feelings about this but for now I'm just a happy pile of goo. You can keep a secret, right, blog?

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Christmas Recap

So here it is, the usual rundown of our holiday.

But this year it was anything but usual. We planned to have dinner on Christmas Eve at my parents house, and then host them for breakfast and present-opening with Tycho the next morning.

It was hectic getting things together on time, because this time of year my work schedule is insane, and our house cleaner no-showed the week of and everything was a disaster. We rescheduled with the agency for a cleaner to come on the evening of the 24th, theoretically to clean while we were at dinner. I felt terrible and planned to give her a gazillion dollar tip. Anyway, it's five pm, I'm wrapping presents before we leave for dinner, and Kyle is showing the new cleaner around the house and the power goes out. On Christmas Eve. ON CHRISTMAS EVE. So, we wait for a few, hoping it will come back on, but it looks like the whole block is out, stoplights and everything, and I have zero faith that anything will be done about it in a timely manner.

Be proud of me; I did not panic. We were in no condition to host in the morning, so I called my dad and told him we were moving Christmas there. In the dark (because obviously we don't own flashlights or candles), by the light of Kyle's phone, we packed up all the presents, some still not wrapped, all of our clothes and toiletries, and all of the groceries for breakfast the next morning, while Tycho was watching Daniel Tiger on my phone to keep him from panicking. And it all went... great? Besides Kyle getting the flu, which I suppose isn't so great, but we moved everything more or less without a hitch, and Tycho had a great Christmas.


"Santa" brought Tycho a train set for Christmas, and I didn't want to be overwhelmed with new toys, I asked friends and family to keep it to additions to his set (or, even better, donate to his school, but people like buying THINGS, it seems). I had less than high hopes, but mostly we got a lot of train stuff, and it all fits together in one box and we have both a happy baby and a happy mama.

Two and a half was just the perfect age for Christmas. He loved opening presents, but didn't go bananas and try to tear through everything and was pleasant and excited and adorable and it was wonderful. And I have graduated to full motherhood, because I did not care one bit what might have been under the tree for me because I was having so much fun experiencing everything through him.




Monday, December 30, 2013

Ink

I should probably post a bunch of things about the holidays and this year and whatever, before it is next year, but first, I got a tattoo!


Thursday, December 5, 2013

The worst ever Christmas songs.

This year I am having a really hard time getting into the holiday spirit. And the sudden ubiquity of terrible Christmas music certainly isn't helping, either. So, here is a list of Christmas song that I hate, because I am a horrible grinchy asshole. I am also the only person in the world who doesn't like A Charlie Brown Christmas. Anyway, enjoy! Or, like, don't.

1.  Nat "King" Cole - All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth


This song is terrible in general, but it's even worse when sung by an adult male, who does in fact have all of his teeth, and has not even the faintest hint of a lisp. What the fuck is even the point?

2. Josh Groban - Silent Night


Or really anything by Josh Groban. Self importance and children's choirs. No thank you.

3. The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping


OMG this song. It's not even a song. It's a boring first person narrative about a mediocre holiday season set to obnoxious background music. Eight holiday season in retail listening to this song multiple times daily has driven me to the brink of insanity.

4. Paul McCartney -  Wonderful Christmas Time


This song is just so incredibly stupid. Like I am losing IQ points right now listening to it.

4. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby


Do I really need to explain why this song is terrible in every possible way? No no no no no.

5.  Marvin Gaye - Purple Snowflakes


What the fuck is this I don't even.

6. Jimmy Eat World - Last Christmas


I actually love the original Wham! version of this song with all of it's delightful cheesiness, but this is the worst cover ever. They don't add any personality to the song (and in fact sap out anything that was there in the first place), and DON'T SING ANY OF THE VERSES AND JUST REPEAT THE CHORUS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I mean really. Were they too lazy to look up the lyrics and just recorded the parts they already knew? What in the actual fuck?

7. Sheryl Crow - The Christmas Song


Sheryl Crow? Really? Basically any version of this song by a mediocre pop star is just terrible. If you are not like, Bing Crosby or Michael Bublé, just don't even attempt it.

8. Barbra Streisand - Jingle Bells


Go home, Babs, you're drunk.

9. Sleigh Ride


Just any fucking version of this song. I'm still recovering from playing the saxophone part at the winter concert every single year in middle school band. God, this is just the worst.

10. Kay Starr - I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm (STUHR remix)


I don't even have a legitimate reason for hating this song, but it makes me irrationally angry every time I hear it. All day. Every day. Retail, man.






I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest.

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