Friday, July 26, 2013

The next phase

So, I have a two-year-old now. I've been saying I had a two year old for a couple of weeks now, because that's easier, but now, really and truly. I am trying to stop calling him a baby because he is two and he sleeps in a real bed and he eats food like a grown-ass person, and we haven't been nursing for approximately a billion years now, and even though his speech is still lacking, he often does make his opinions known and he has this little personality that is his and his alone and it is kind of amazing.

This is my favorite age ever. I know I always say that, but that is because I like him better and better the older he gets. Because he gets more and more awesome.

It's been six months, give or take a few days, but I finally got another picture of him with his birthday bear today. I stopped doing them monthly at 18 months because he just wouldn't stay in one place, and while he still changes so much so fast, it was getting harder to notice on a monthly basis. So, here he is, in all his two-year-old glory:

He's grown up a lot since last time.

His birthday was really fun. We had a non-party party. Just those closest to us over for dinner and cake and presents and vegan ice cream for this poor dairy sensitive kid. He's finally catching on to the whole presents concept. Watching his eyes almost pop out of his skull at each amazing! thing! was so much fun for me.

His special gift from Kyle and I was baseball gear. His own mitt, tee, and bat. I maybe shouldn't have been, but I was shocked how he seem to grasp the tee concept right away. Not perfectly, mind you, but the pretty basic put ball on tee, knock it off with bat was right up his chubby little alley.

He took it to bed with him that night and slept with it and we woke up in the morning to him beating down his door with it. Sigh.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013


Dear Tycho,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN! You turned two today! I can hardly believe it!

I said I wasn't going to have a party this year, just dinner at home with family, but dinner at home with family IS a party. Grandma and Opa and tante Annika and Julien and Yoann and Anna and John and of course Shea and Ashley and your best buddy Arlo all came over to eat tacos with us and celebrate YOU. Because you're so awesome.

You loved all your presents this year. Mostly sports equipment. You're sleeping with your new baseball bat right now. I love that you've such a distinct personality. Everyone knew just what to get you!

What a two years it's been! You've changed my life totally and completely and every day it gets even better. I can't wait to see what your third year brings!

Love, Mama

Big kid, big bed

Yesterday I got up early, went to get Tycho up before he could hurl himself out of his crib again, and already when I walked in he had one leg over the rail.  Good thing I had the day off (and a couple hundred extra bucks lying around) for an emergency IKEA trip. 

Tycho wasn't super interested in bed testing or picking out sheets at the store, but after we got home and I got it assembled he was all about his big boy bed and his CARS! bedding. He jumped right in and bounced around and squealed and laughed. 

Bed time wasn't too bad. Had to go back into his room to calm him down several times, but I was expecting that with his new environs. I figured it would take a week to get him settled with a new bedtime routine, but tonight he went to sleep with no hassle whatsoever. Well then.

I just peeked in on him sleeping. He is all sprawled out across the bed like he's some kind of teenager. My mama feelings are all out of control. Baby dude turns two tomorrow (well, actually, today, but you know).  Where has all the time gone?

Saturday, July 20, 2013

My Big Kid

So this morning, I'm lazing in bed and I hear Tycho start whining. I'm preparing to get up, but the whining stops. Silence. Roll over and go back to sleep. But a few minutes later I wake up again, this time to hysterical screaming. Rush into Tycho's room and... he's standing in the middle of the floor, sobbing?

It took me a minute because I was so unprepared to see him anywhere other than in his crib. But I guess he can climb out now. He wasn't hurt, I don't think, but he was probably even more freaked out than me. We're going on an emergency IKEA shopping trip in the morning.

When did he stop being a baby?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Say Cheese

The other night Tycho toddled over with my phone and handed it to me. "Peepees!" I tried to help him open one of his favorite games (Doodle Jump and Angry Birds, if you were wondering), but he just kept handing it back to me. "Peepees. Peepees!"


After a couple minutes, I figured out that peepees is pictures. Pictures! He wants to take pictures with me!!! THE CUTE! I DIE!

And so, lately my instagram is full of Tycho-mama selfies. This is my favorite phase ever.

Grainy, but I love them.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Life's a Beach

And now for some happier things

BFF Ashley decided last week that she wanted to go to the beach. And that she wanted me to come with her. So we packed up the boys and the iPads and a hundred pounds of snacks and headed out on the 3+ hour drive to the peninsula. Ashley's aunt owns a house out in Moclips that we used as our home base for the day and got the boys some beach time.

It was Tycho's first time seeing the Pacific Ocean. It was awesome.


By the way, it is pretty much impossible to successfully google for information on non-autism developmental delays because the Internet is oversaturated with autism information. You know, just in case you were wondering. 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Delay reaction

I can't believe I haven't posted about this yet. 

Well, I can, because as a parent your ego gets all wrapped up in milestones and your kid's behavior in public and so on, and because you love him so much that all you want to do is brag about the good things and maybe vent about the hard stuff, but you keep the darkness behind closed doors because feelings. But I'm pretty sure this is why I have a blog in the first place and I have way too many feels and need to put them somewhere. 

Tycho is... behind. I've had a feeling for a while. For a long time, actually. 

I mean, as a first time mom you're always hyper aware of milestones and obsessing over whether all his activities are enriching and educational and whatever and you feel guilty if you let him watch tv and you wonder when he doesn't roll over and you gloat when he smiles at only four weeks because even though it has nothing to do with you it feels like it has everything to do with you. 

At some point I banished those weekly babycenter emails with an inbox filter and it was good for me to just focus on my kid and what he was actually doing versus what some website hypothesized. But around 18 months I peeked in that folder for the first time in ages, and... panicked. He was supposed to have all these words and he didn't, not really anyway, and and and omg. All of these emotions hit me all at once and I was a ball of anxiety. But at his 18 month checkup the doctor said he was still within the range of normal, and we should wait and see how he was doing at two. 

I did really good with the wait and see. I backed off and I stopped reading those babycenter emails and I let Tycho just be Tycho and do things on his own time and be himself and stopped worrying. Or at least I stopped letting the worrying consume me. Wait and see, wait and see.

But two is fast approaching and that anxiety and worry is creeping back in and up my shoulders and around my neck and I'm paying close attention to my friends' children near his age and its become really clear that something just isn't right. 

Tycho still doesn't talk much.  He has some words, but not a lot more than he did six months ago, and some he was using regularly are all but gone now. He doesn't use most of his signs anymore. A two word phrase? Are you crazy? Communication with him sucks, to be perfectly honest. He is frustrated and I am frustrated and there are tears on both sides. He certainly hasn't had the language explosion that everyone talks about. There are other things too. He can't jump or walk down stairs. He doesn't pretend to talk on the phone or comb his hair. He never ever draws with crayons or stacks blocks.

I know it's not autism, though. He's definitely not on the spectrum. Eye contact and baby-flirting with strangers are his specialties. So that's good, I guess. 

But still, it's so hard. It's stupid, but I just kind of assumed that Kyle and I would produce a baby super genius. And we didn't and I don't know how to deal. Every post from one of my mama friends on Facebook bragging about their children's achievements feels like a personal affront. I want to brag about my kid, too, but I can't because he should have learned to use a spoon a year ago and it's not impressive anymore. 

When I do express concern, casually, to my mom or a friend I usually get shut down.  He's fine, he's perfect. But no, he's not and I want to be taken seriously because when everyone denies the possibility that he could be delayed I feel crazy and paranoid and helpless. 

I looked at the 24 months ASQ tonight, and he's under the cutoff in all categories to be evaluated. And even though that's bad, it's good too, because its validating. We'll take him to his two year checkup and we'll get a referral for a specialist and he'll be evaluated and we'll get him into EI and we'll get help and it will be good. And I am happy about that. 

Friday, July 5, 2013

Independence Day, and why having children is awesome.

Yesterday was the Fourth of July. Yesterday was the first Fourth of July since I was three that I haven't watched the fireworks over Lake Union from my parents' house. Except for that one year when I was fifteen and thought my parents were totally uncool and I went to Gasworks Park with every other person in Seattle. And that night I learned that my parents' party was in fact way, way cooler than anything else I could do. But my parents sold the house this spring, so no party for me. 

The Fourth is probably my favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. Not because I am especially patriotic or anything, but it was always a big deal for us, the one day every year my dad made worstenbroodjes from scratch. And fire works! So I was super bummed this year. No plans, had to work until 7 anyway. But last minute I had Kyle come with the baby and meet me on the other side of the lake in Sammamish. And it was perfect and Tycho danced to the band and got a balloon and ate kettle corn and oohed appropriately at the fireworks and I loved every minute of him loving it.

Tycho found a mom throwing a (tiny, nerf) football with her son, and decided he wanted to get in on that action. (His own ball and his own mother both proved far less interesting.) They took pity on the poor kid and let him throw their ball. I got to talking with the mom when she complimented his throwing technique (he will hit you square in the chest every time), and it turns out they are a big baseball family, too and she was from Cleveland! I love that Tycho found just the right people for us to chat with. Kyle invited his husband to bring their kids down to hi baseball facility. 

Babies are so awesome. Without Tycho it would have just been me and Kyle quietly sitting in a damp patch of grass. Life is so much more with him. Happy Birthday, America!


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