Sunday, November 28, 2010

Cookies, and their tossing.

This growing a person business is starting to get more difficult. The morning sickness thing was okay for a while. The nausea was pretty mild and intermittent and I could handle it. And the barfing was quick and relieved the discomfort. Not so anymore. Yesterday morning I spent so much time puking that I had to leave for work without doing my hair or makeup. And I'm the kind of gal who always does my hair and makeup. Horrible florescent bile. I know this is extreme TMI, but I have to get it out of my system. Ick ick ick. Also, I cry when I vomit. Involuntary reflex. And I get puffy when I cry. And I remain puffy, for oh, twenty four hours or so. All in all, not such a good chain of events.

Anyway, for the first time yesterday, queasy acid-stomach feeling was not relieved by the up-chucking, and I was left with this horrible sour feeling all day. I tried to eat various breadstuffs to soak up the ick, but that didn't work at all. Since it was slow, I left work early, thank goodness, because I felt like I was about to pass out all day.  I felt a little better as I was eating the soup I demanded Kyle prepare for me, but the goodwill ended as soon as the bowl was empty.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly less awful, but definitely not entirely better. I tend not to have puking problems on days I let myself sleep in, but things are still unsettled. Great. I really fear that I won't feel un-pukey again for the next six weeks. A scary thought. The heaviest workload time of year is upon us, and then I'm spending a week in Paris, and I do not want all of this the be overshadowed by barf.

Pregnancy. Fun stuff.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Giving Thanks

Dear Baby,

Today is your first Thanksgiving. Or maybe it is your -1 Thanksgiving. Nevertheless, we will both be eating well today. I can only imagine that your Opa's stuffing will be one of your favorite foods, just like it is one of mine.

Today, and everyday, I am very thankful that you are here. I am looking forward to you getting bigger, to seeing you in an ultrasound, to hearing your little heart beating. I can't wait to feel you move and to share that with your daddy. But wait I will. It will all be worth it, I know. You need to take your time growing all of your important parts.

This time next year, although you won't be big enough to enjoy the food, you'll be celebrating with us. I know you'll love it!

Love, Mommy

Wednesday, November 24, 2010



Seven weeks today! That's starting to sound like a reasonable length of pregnancy. I don't know why, but for some reason, saying I'm four or five weeks pregnant sounds ridiculous, but seven is getting to a place where it makes sense.

Anyway, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my very favorite of the holidays. As a non-religious person, it's nice to celebrate a holiday that wasn't originally a churchy thang. I like Christmas as much as the next girl, but often all the Jesus talk will make me uncomfortable. And of course, religious people do bring their faith into Thanksgiving, and thank God for the bounteous meal, I suppose, but really, God doesn't have to have a thing to do with it, if you don't want, and that is nice for me and my family. Also, Thanksgiving is on or near my birthday and I like things associated with my birthday. And it's all about food. What could be bad about that?

I'm a little worried about actually making it to the festivities this year. There is still snow (and ice!) on the ground, and it's expected to snow again tomorrow. And my parents live on the tippy-top of a big tall hill. Whatever. Pregnant or not, I will walk up the hill if the alternative is no stuffing.

I might wear the maternity leggings my mother in law got me tomorrow under my dress if they will stay up. Obviously, I don't need the yet, but waistbands have been driving me crazy lately, and I can imagine that will only be made worse when I am stuffing myself full of food. We'll see.

So happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have a lot to be thankful for right now, and I hope you all do, too.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Today is my 25th birthday. To be honest, I don't get very worked up about my birthday. The last time I had a party was when I turned 21. According to our original plans, baby-making wasn't going to start in earnest until at least this coming January, and so I wanted to go out with a bang, so to speak, and throw myself a big bash for my last birthday before babies. But here is my 25th birthday and I am pregnant. And I am so glad. Really, I kind of hate birthday parties to begin with. They are fine to attend, yes, but the organizing and cooking and baking and hostessing I could really live without. Someone could throw me a birthday party and that would be wonderful, but like hell am I doing it for myself.

Today was also supposed to be my very first prenatal appointment with the midwives at the birth center Kyle and I visited a couple weeks ago. But with the snow, no such luck. They called me this morning to reschedule, which was fine, because I was about to call them for the same reason. But it is kind of disappointing. I was looking forward to this, and all the other things that make this pregnancy feel more real. I haven't even confirmed that I am in fact pregnant with an actual medical professional. Just my two home pregnancy tests and a host of symptoms. I don't really feel like I need to, but... I don't know. I just want to get going on everything, and the snow is getting in the way.

Otherwise, though, my birthday has been wonderful. Kyle made me breakfast this morning, even thought the waffles were only of the frozen variety it was still sweet, especially since he got up hours before he would otherwise to feed hungry wife and embryo. Yesterday I got a package in the mail from my mother-in-law. We said we weren't doing birthday or Christmas gifts this year with his family, but she sent me one anyway. Maternity clothes. A little premature, of course, but also completely thoughtful and adorable. I'm glad she's as excited about this as I am. And the stuff she picked out is completely my style. It will be nice to have around, I imagine, when all of the sudden nothing fits and I haven't had a chance to really shop for my new wardrobe.

That's it, I guess, for all this birthday business. This post was supposed to be a lot more exciting, what with the appointment business, but acts of god, you know. I will say that twenty four was pretty much the best year so far. My biggest wish of the last five or so years finally came true. And I have it on good authority that twenty five will be even better.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Picture It

I wasn't planning on posting anything today. Everything exciting is happening tomorrow anyway. But I'm off of work and it's snowing out, which in Seattle basically means the apocalypse, and it just feels like a very bloggy kind of day to me. So blog I will. I guess.

My latest project is family photos. I've mentioned before how important family photos are too me. Being pregnant really makes me want to surround myself with all of these beautiful pictures of my childhood and of my parents when they were young and unencumbered with parenthood and of both of my grandmothers, whose memories are fading.

My parents on their wedding day in 1979.

My dad spent ton of time, when I was young, carefully picking out the best of the pictures he took, and artfully arranging them in big fancy albums. Not the cheap kind with sleeves for the photos, but the full sticky page with protective cover variety. There are probably twenty of them, mostly documenting from the early '80s on, but a couple with the earlier stuff.

These pictures aren't super accessible to me anymore, now that I am no longer living in my parents house. In the age of the internet you kind of expect everything to be at your fingertips with the click of a button. And I worry about their fragility, printed decades ago, degrading every day. Someday they will be lost forever.

Baby Astrid with parents visiting family in Toronto.

So, in conjunction with Kyle and I not having a lot of extra cash right now, for my Christmas gift to my parents I am painstakingly scanning all of our family photos, and uploading them all to a specially created Flickr account, so we can have them with us forever.  It's slow going. It certainly won't be done by Christmas, especially considering that after we finish with the physical albums there are disc upon disc of unorganized digital photos.  I'm in over my head, I know, but time is taking its toll, and some pictures are in bad shape already. So this is my project, for probably the next 20 years.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Hi blog! Here's Wednesday's six week picture for you:

Notice the sweatpants. (Actually, they are what I like to call sweaterpants, but they fill the same fashion niche.) I am not the kind of girl who wears sweatpants. Like, ever. Certainly not out of the house, and definitely not to take pictures in. So, this is how tired I am. So tired that I would take this picture in sweatpants (that I am only wearing because I thought it would be inappropriate to be wearing only underwears), with no makeup on, and post it on my blog for all to see.

Still no noticeable change, but you know, posterity, or something.

I had another pregnancy milestone (!) today. I for real barfed for this first time. Instead of all the gagging and dry heaving I have been doing. Exciting, I know. And I imagine this all has to get worse before it starts getting better. At least I'm pretty sure that the end result will make it all worth it.

Okay, I am definitely too tired to think of anything else to post.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Now we are Six.

Six weeks today. Time is starting to pass at a more regular pace. I took another "belly" shot this evening, but I have no desire to get out of bed and get the camera and cords and what have you to post it, but it will be here eventually.

I've been spending a lot of time in bed. The other day when I was apparently looking extra pathetic, Kyle suggested I take the laptop to bed with me, and here in the  bedroom it has remained. And so have I. I'm not feeling completely wretched. The morning sickness is getting progressively stronger, but I still have managed to avoid actually barfing thus far, so I think we can count that as a victory. It seems to be much easier when I am allowed to sleep in, and don't have to get up at the behest of my alarm clock.

Speaking of sleeping, I don't want to do much else. I've never been a morning person, and getting out of bed has often been a struggle for me, but I'm usually pretty good at facing the day when there are places (work) I have to be. Getting out of bed hasn't been this hard since I was a teenager, battling serious depression. Or maybe it's worse; it's hard to remember through the fog of the years.

Yesterday was my day off from work, and, I'm embarrassed to admit, I spent a good majority of it in bed. I got up a few times, to brush my teeth and take my prenatal, so fix myself a snack plate (that I could nosh on from bed, of course), and to do a single load of laundry, lest I have no clean underwear for work today. And I feel embarrassed about this, and I feel bad that my house is a mess and there are dishes to be done, and that I didn't even manage to fold that load of laundry, but I was feeling good and didn't want to, ahem, over exert myself and lose that feeling.

My work days are hard too. I manage to hold myself together okay while I'm there, because I have to, but it takes a lot of energy to think and stand and wear pants and to just be and when I get home I just collapse, often literally.

I hope this lifts soon. I wonder often if maybe it's all in my head, if maybe it's not really that bad--I know there are pregnant women that have it worse than me, women who are actually vomiting, perhaps, women who already have children that they have to chase around, tired or not, yet all I can to is fall into be at 3 'o clock in the afternoon.

It will be all right, I suppose. I should try not to feel too bad about how pathetic I've become. I supposed I'd rather err on the side of caution anyway.I do, though, hope I get my sea legs somewhere in the next couple of weeks, because I truly do not want to sleep away my France trip and my sister time. I miss her desperately. More so now also because she is somebody's auntie.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I don't know if that's what it is, or if it's just normal Astrid-crazy, but this evening I read something about eggs and then I REALLY wanted eggs and couldn't get eggs out of my head. Eggs and avocado, actually. We went to Denny's where they were out of avocado, but omigosh my eggs were so good. Funny thing so far with pregnancy, when I get really hungry food tastes SO SO SO good. Like I didn't know food could taste that good. Especially not food from Denny's. I ate an entire Grand Slam, clean plate, which is unheard of for me, and Kyle was duly impressed. I don't think he's ever seen me eat so much or so fast.

I know it's still quite early for me to be putting on weight or anything, and I'm trying to listen to my body and not eat a lot just because I have the excuse of being pregnant, but tonight I was really and truly hungry, and goddamn was my dinner good.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Another week.

We hit five weeks yesterday. Obligatory picture:

Not much has changed since last week. Boobs might be a little bigger, but I think that's just my imagination. I'm so excited to watch my body change, so it been hard waiting.  Soon, I guess.

Today Kyle and I went to check out a birth center and meet one of the midwives there. Even though it was just a consultation, and not even a real appointment, it makes everything feel more real, and so of course I was super nervous.

We liked the center pretty well, though. We'll probably end up going there. Kyle is now on board with the whole natural childbirth thing, since he has now read some papers or studies or something and realizes that midwifery is ideal for low risk patients like us. So we're on the same page now and that is good. I liked the midwife we talked to. I didn't feel entirely comfortable there, but I think that was more nerves than anything else. It's a little far away. It took us half an hour to get there with no traffic, but I think it will do. I need to think about it. And you know, get used to the idea that I actually have to birth this baby. And that there in fact is a baby in there.

I've mostly accepted that yes, I am pregnant, but every once in a while it creeps up on me and surprises me. It doesn't help that it's far too early for me to be showing or feel any movement and that we haven't even heard a heartbeat yet, so really I'm just going off of sore boobs and a pee stick, and that doesn't always inspire confidence.

The pregnancy fatigue is starting to pick up, I think. I've been taking a lot of naps. In fact, I'm curled up in bed with my laptop right now, and after I hit publish, I'll probably snooze for a bit and then eat the rest of my burrito from lunch. Sleep and eat. That is my life now. Kind of nice.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

This is hard.

Pregnancy glow my ass. It's acne-palooza here at chez Astrid. Seriously uncool. I need help looking like I'm old enough to be a mother as it is. This is not helping. I'm pretty sure there is a pimple inside my nostril. What?

This is hard. Today I have done very little other than eat and sleep. I have done a lot of both of those things. And I guess that makes sense, because hello! I am growing a person here. Hard work. I went to bed at 8:30 last night. And this morning I had breakfast before a quick meeting at work. And then BFF and I had brunch. And then I took a nap. And then Kyle made me whatever kind of meal it is that you eat at 3:15pm. So far so good.

Today is also exactly one week since my positive pregnancy test. I know that this isn't an anniversary worth celebrating, but holy cow, this has been the longest week of my life. Time is definitely slower now than it ever has been when I've been waiting to take a test. Which as we all know is impossible. I'm not impatient to meet baby or anything, because for one, baby is right here, and secondly I'd rather it have a chance to grow all of it's limbs and organs and stuff before it has to come out, but I'm thinking about how much longer it is until I'm "allowed" to start talking about it, and until I can get an ultrasound and see tiny baby pictures and hear tiny baby heartbeat, and until we can find out the sex and I can turn into a baby shopping maniac, because you better believe I will. I've already told everyone that I can rightfully tell without fully losing control of the news, and there is already a healthy risk that someone will blow it for me. That might be a relief.

Friday, November 5, 2010


So I got my first baby gift today! This is of course, ridiculous, but also amazing. Boss-lady called me into the office because she needed to talk to me. And then she made me close my eyes. And then, finger puppets! She told me that she felt like her reaction yesterday was not good enough. This is blatantly false, but I think she feels like she was in too much shock to be appropriately squee-happy. So, when she saw these in the the drug store today she picked them up for me. It's a little thing, but it totally brightened my day.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Hot mama, and other things.

Daddy and me.

So during this pregnancy, and all subsequent childrearing, I am planning on taking roughly a bazillionty pictures. During my childhood, my dad was really wonderful at photo documenting pretty much everything that ever happened. He would spend tons of time selecting pictures and organizing photo albums, and I love looking back at them. My favorites are the everyday stuff, not the pressed and clean school picture kind of BS.

Four Weeks
Anyway, I have officially started my pregnancy photo-capturing. This is my first "belly" shot, I guess, although there is no belly to speak of yet, but I want it to compare in future weeks and month, and I'll probably, years down the line, be amazed that I ever looked like that, but you know. This is from yesterday, four weeks exactly, if I am right about when I ovulated. I wish (for maybe the first time since high school) that I had any idea how much I weigh right now, but I don't really do that stuff. Kyle has a scale, but it is one of those fancy ones that calculates your BMI and body fat percentage or something bizarre like that, and I find it a little intimidating. Perhaps I should have him teach me to use it, though, because I'm pretty sure you're supposed to at least keep track of your weight during pregnancy.

You know, if you asked me a month ago, I would have said that I felt super well-informed about pregnancy, but now that I actually am, well, pregnant, I feel somewhat confused and helpless and shit was I not supposed to get my steak cooked medium rare last night WTF am I going to do now? The whole birthing a human being out of my vagina-thing doesn't freak me out at all (but that might be because it's far enough away that I don't have to worry about it yet), but the daily what I'm supposed to eat am I drinking enough water, am I supposed to be lifting this mannequin, how much does this stupid thing weigh anyway is making me nuts. Adjusting to a new normal is proving to be more difficult than I expected.

I told my boss today. My mother is horrified that I would even consider telling her so early, but I really felt for some reason like I needed to so I did.  You would have thought I had told her she won the lottery she was so happy and excited. It was nice to be able to announce it to someone for whom it was actually a surprise, since my family for the most part knew it was in the works, and while they're all super excited, no one was even close to shocked. Anyway, boss-lady is awesome, and basically told me that I am to do whatever it is I feel like I need to do to have the most awesome pregnancy ever, which is better than anything I could have possibly expected.

A couple weeks in, and everything is going super well.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Four Weeks

Dear Baby,

Today we are officially four weeks pregnant. Or perhaps not officially, since I haven't been to see a doctor or midwife yet, but I know you're in there. Some women don't even know they are pregnant this early, but I had a feeling you were around last week even.  I'm really glad that I get that extra week of knowing you. According to the books, you are only the size of a poppy seed, but you are certainly making yourself heard. I've been starting to feel sick, but so far it's not so bad.

I think that the kitties are starting to sense that something's up. They are all following me around and staying very close. Even the bunny kitty, who normally doesn't really like me, or people in general. When we took a nap with Daddy today, she curled up on my back. I'm really excited to see how the kitties react to you when you finally arrive.

That's all I have for now. See you in 36 weeks!

Love, Mom

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

253 days to go!

This is very strange for me. On the one hand, I knew I was pregnant a week ago. Knew it. I'm used to the idea and I am ready for this and I. Am. Pregnant. But on the other hand, it still hasn't sunk in all the way what this fully means. 

I thought I would jump in and tell everyone in the universe as soon as I knew, and don't get me wrong, it's hard to keep mum, but right now I'm enjoying the quiet of just knowing and sharing this secret with myself and my husband without being bombarded by everyone I know.

Because let me tell you, this is going to be a big freaking deal. Our baby will be the first great grandchild on my mom's side of my family, and the first on both sides of Kyle's. And his family is huge and gregarious. I don't know a single person that I went to high school with who is married, let alone pregnant. Basically, this news is going to rock the world for a lot of people. And that's kind of scary. 

Right now my goal is to make it to Thanksgiving, because that seems like a reasonable time to tell everyone, with them all gathered together anyway. But it's entirely possible I'll give up within a week. How long did you wait?

Mild morning sickness started to kick in today. And I have just discovered that writing about morning sickness makes it worse, okay. It's unpleasant, yes, but it's also this reminder that someone is there, making him or herself comfortable. (Have I mentioned that I am approximately 200% sure I'm having a boy? Yeah, couldn't tell you why, though.) I've starting talking to or sometimes just thinking at my little blastocyst already. This is clearly ridiculous, but I can't help it. I will probably start some sort of "dear baby" series a la Stephanie, because I've loved reading her letters to Jasper, and I want to have that for my baby as well. That and a trillionty pictures of everything. Tomorrow I am officially four weeks, so I guess I will start then with my first belly picture, mostly for comparison in the future.

I'm just so excited.

Monday, November 1, 2010


So, wow.

I started with a negative test on Saturday, but I wasn't super bummed out because I was pretty sure that I was in fact pregnant, and it was just too early to tell at only 10 days post ovulation. And I was right. I got that super faint pink line yesterday. Kyle didn't really believe me that it counted. I told him that any line, no matter how faint means I am pregnant, but he seemed to think that I was saying that out of wishful thinking. But the digital test this morning is loud and clear.

I'm pregnant. Pregnant. I'm so happy and my body is positively humming with excitement and I don't want to work or sleep or talk about anything else. At the same time, it all feels very casual and comfortable to me. I am almost positive that I felt implantation as it happened, and when my breasts started hurting I knew. And even when I got that negative test I still knew. So when I did get the positive it was almost old news. Almost. Clearly, I am thrilled, but I also feel very calm and prepared, even though I know I can't possibly be. I'm just so ready. I have had so long to think about this, and honestly I'm not really scared or nervous. Just excited. It's wonderful.

How in the world are you supposed to keep this a secret? I'm doing okay so far. I've told my sister and both my parents, and Kyle called his mother today. But I feel like that's pretty standard. I'm going to tell BFF as soon as we can get a lunch date scheduled, but if that doesn't work out in the next week or so the phone might have to suffice. I'm trying to wait until Thanksgiving to let the cat out of the bag but who knows. My dad said his money is on everyone knowing within a week. Oh well. It might be nice, because it was so hard not to say anything today at work. I wanted to respond to all the "how was your weekend?" with "ONLY THE BEST OF MY LIFE" (in all caps like that, you know), but then clearly they would ask why and where would we be then? I'll likely tell my boss as soon as I have symptoms which might start interfering with work, though. We'll see.

According to my calculations I am 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant. 36 weeks and 2 days to go! And I thought waiting for ovulation was hard... I can't wait to start seeing changes and I can't wait at all to start feeling my baby and talking to it, because I will all the time I know, and just wow. Wow.

That's all for now.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...