Thursday, October 28, 2010

This post is going to be all over the place.

I really think I might be pregnant this time.

I told myself I wouldn't do this. I sad that I was going to wait out my two weeks with out going on about this and over analyzing every hint of a symptom, but I can't hold out any longer. Every other time that I have been in this place, I have been creating symptoms out of thin air, feeling them for just a second and wishing and hoping that they would come back and totally doubting that anything was really happening, but I couldn't let go of the thought that maybe... possibly...

I'm still doubting right now. Fertility friend suggests that I ovulated only last Friday, which would make this a little early for me to be experiencing pregnancy symptoms, but I'm pretty sure that one last low temp was a weird fluke, and that I actually ovulated two days earlier, since that's what would me the most sense considering my cervical fluid, and maybe I am making too much of it, but I had some slight cramping that day that could have been ovulation pain. As it is, if I did indeed ovulate on Wednesday the 20th like I suppose, it was just after I actually managed to have sex. And if that is in fact true, I could expect implantation to occur perhaps a week later, and what do you know but I had some slight cramping Tuesday afternoon.

The idea that I might be feeling implantation did occur to me, as I was sitting there on the toilet at work on my lunch break, but I shrugged it aside, because, as I said, I'm trying very hard not to obsess. But oh, that night. My boobs felt so sore. So much so that when I again was trying to ahem, get down with my hubby I was too distracted to... you know. And they haven't stopped feeling sore since.

I've felt every pregnancy symptom in the book these past few months, but they've all been temporary and fleeting and quite possibly figments of my imagination. But this is real. And oh my god last night when I was getting ready for bed and walked down the stairs without a bra on. Holy hell. I probably look like some freaky perv because I keep touching them to make sure that soreness is still there.

I also told myself that I wouldn't bother Kyle with my neurosis, and that I would let him know if and when I ended up with a positive pregnancy test. But I couldn't help it. I told him last night that I think I might be. Of course, he isn't really interested in discussing the finer details until I'm actually sure, but oh well. And thus, this post, because I have to get this out of my system.

When can I just take a goddamned test? In theory shouldn't it work as soon as I feel symptoms. I don't know. I'm only at the most 8 days post ovulation. Bleck. If I am pregnant, I better get used to waiting. 40 weeks is a long time.

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