Last week I finally got my period after a 40-day cycle. I wasted three or four pregnancy tests, even though I knew I wasn't pregnant. But that little voice in the back of my head... But it's really hard to find time to you know, have sex and things when you're working a 60+ hour week with overnight shifts when you're supposed to be ovulating. Actually, it's had to find time to figure out when you're supposed to be ovulating.
So I guess this will be the first month we are really and truly trying to get pregnant. I'm excited, but surprisingly calm. When we went off of birth control in May I didn't think I'd be able to make it this long without completely freaking out, but I'm okay. My very first two week wait, before we were even truly trying, was the most agonizingly long two weeks I've ever experienced. And I'm sure if there is a chance that I am pregnant this cycle, two weeks will once again take forever, but I don't think it will be so hard this time around. It will happen when it happens. And a couple weeks in either direction isn't going to make or break any of my plans, except for maybe the trip we're supposed to take with Kyle's family next year, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, that's my new Zen approach to baby making. Please remind me of this when I am flipping out again in another three weeks.
Tomorrow I start work at my new store. I'm anxious and nervous and worried about what to wear and finding it okay and making it through traffic on time and not barfing on my shoes because I get myself so worked up over all of this. I think, though, that this will ultimately be a good thing for me and for us and for my future family. At the very least, I will have less early mornings as I did before, so I'll be able to stay up late enough at night to actually see Kyle when he gets home from work, so we can... you know. And if I do manage to actually get pregnant, I don't need to worry about not being able to handle the stress of my job so much, so that is a huge weight off my shoulders.
Still, I don't feel quite ready for tomorrow.