This is probably too sappy and gushy for anyone to enjoy reading, but I need to put it somewhere.
I am really happy.
It's kind of amazing. And it's a wonderful background happy. A nothing particularly awesome happened today, but I still feel great, kind of happy. A work is totally stressful and I have to work overtime and I barely get to see my husband and my house is a certified disaster zone but I still can't stop smiling kind of happy. Happy.
Happiness that doesn't depend on things going my way (or at least not terribly wrong) is kind of new for me. I have a tendency to let the day to day bullshit stress me out and take over. I tend to take my work drama home with me, and let it consume my thoughts and often times my conversations with Kyle. Little things like dust bunnies and dirty laundry in my environment can create a huge black cloud over my day. I usually have many happy instances, but the overall background mood is morose, or at least apathetic. But lately, even though things have been average at best, I am feeling freaking amazing.
It totally doesn't matter when my boss's chronic health issues cause her to have a nervous breakdown at work. I take charge and do what I need to do to keep things moving. And it doesn't matter that I spent over two hours stuck in traffic today. I just turn up the volume and rock out to Todd Rundgren and the Backstreet Boys while other drivers laugh at me.
Also, I am super in love with Kyle. Always, but especially lately. We aren't seeing a lot of each other these days because we both have tons of work commitments, but he has been super sweet. He doesn't make a lot of grand gestures, but the little everyday things he does totally make me swoon. Like making me dinner and leaving it in the fridge for me even though he won't be home to eat it.
This is probably ridiculous, but at least once every day he'll do something sweet, or say something nice, or even just send me a MMS of the bunny cat hiding inside a paper grocery bag, and I'll think to myself, "I really should marry him." And then I remember that we are married and it makes me so happy.
In other news, it's 14 DPO, and there are no signs of impending period. No pregnancy symptoms either, except for morning nausea, but that's been a constant for me since I was a teenager. But maybe... just maybe... even though we didn't have a lot of success with the "trying" this go 'round.... maybe? We could be one of those cautionary tales for middle school sex education about why pulling out is ineffective birth control. We'll see.