Saturday, July 24, 2010
Today Husband and I have been married for two years. In August it will have been six since we met. There is nothing in my world that exists except for in relation to him. And I don't mean that in a pathetic, I have no interests or hobbies of my own kind of way, but rather that even when he's not here and I'm doing something completely unrelated to him or our relationship he is still there with me.
There are a lot of people who ask about marriage "why bother?" Why don't we just keep on keepin' on? Why do we have to make a big deal out of it? The legal aspects are neither here nor there (although they are nice). And it's not about all the pomp and circumstance of a big wedding. It's the total commitment of yourself to your partner for life. And that's so much more than just love.
When Husband and I got married I knew that I was ready to make this commitment, and I that I wanted to be with him forever and that I wanted for him to be my family and the father to my children. But still, I had no idea how this would change our relationship. It's hard to describe the difference. The subtle permanence of us permeates everything now. I could never have predicted the comfort and ease of just knowing. Knowing what, I'm not even sure, but it's there, in the background, behind everything that I do and think and feel. And it is amazing.
Husband is not the perfect man. He's not the perfect husband. I imagine that some of my acquaintances think that my marriage is doomed to fail based on the anecdotes I share with them. He is irritating and messy and I'm needy and we fight and complain about each other. But it is all superficial. Underlying all of the imperfection is something special that I cannot describe, but I can feel it, all the time, and I know everything is going to be okay.