Choice

Hi Blog! Today marks ten weeks! TEN. Very exciting. According to the stupid email I got from Baby Center today, I am now officially harboring a fetus. You know, instead of an embryo. I'm sure most pregnant women just think of whatever they are incubating as simply a baby, or rather the baby, and I do that, too, especially when talking about it because no one likes hearing me wax poetic about a fetus, and as much as I am attached to my little parasite (oh, am I), I am sort of loathe to grant personhood to the unborn, my own or otherwise. I don't want to get all political on you, but um... that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I've always been "pro-choice," that much is certain. In fact, for the longest time I never really even thought of it because it seemed pretty obvious to me, and growing up in a very liberal area, this belief was never challenged by, you know, real people that I actually knew. Early in our relationship, Kyle and I discussed the possibility of unplanned pregnancy, and at that time as a college student looking starry-eyed into the future, my plan was to rush to the nearest clinic in case of emergency. Kyle was a little less convinced that would be the best plan, but I was unconcerned. It ended up being a non-issue, of course, because I went and acquired the most effective birth control I could find. Easy-peasy.

Being pregnant puts all of this into new light. My pregnancy is not especially difficult in the grand scheme of things, but honestly, it's still a huge pain in the ass. And in the boobs. And let's not even discuss what awaits at the end of 40 weeks. Pushing a what out of where? And we haven't even begun to discuss the whole child-rearing issue. That's eighteen years at least. This pregnancy is more wanted than, well, anything else I have ever wanted, but even then I have days where I could go back to September and make the decision to wait just a little bit longer.  I can't imagine having to go through all the trials of pregnancy and then childbirth when you didn't want it.

And I'm not suggesting that every unwanted or unplanned pregnancy should end in abortion, because clearly, just no. Choice is about choice, and for me there was a point where my outlooked shifted and an unplanned pregnancy would have been something I would have decided I wanted more than not. But... just... not even being given the choice, and having to do this when it's the last thing you want... there are no words.

It's also a good part of the reason why we haven't announced our pregnancy yet. While we are like, the most low risk pregnancy ever, I know there is a tiny chance that something is horribly wrong. And if that's the case we're planning to pro-choice the hell out of it, if you know what I mean. Obviously, this isn't everyone's choice, nor should it be, but Kyle and I feel very strongly that we would not be good parents to a special-needs child, nor would having one allow us to be good partners to each other. And while I'm secure in my feelings about this issue, it's so not something I want to discuss with Kyle's Catholic Grandma, or like, anyone really.

So, we wait. Until January, even though a Christmastime announcement sounds oh-so-nice. And assuming everything at our ultrasound looks peachy-keen, it'll be go time. And maybe I will stop thinking about it as a fetus. But probably not, because the scientist in me likes that.



P.S. Still no camera so I google-image-searched "10 weeks fetus" for something innocuous to put here, and OMG, don't do that. Lots of really unpleasant abortion photos or possibly doctored images. Not convincing me of anything, but still, ick. So no picture for this post.