Merry Christmas!

New!

This is what I did today:

Single Momming It

Kyle flew out to Houston, Texas this morning. On business, I guess you could call it. He's speaking at a conference for baseball coaches about his training methods. Pretty cool for him.

Pretty scary for me. This is the first trip he's taken since we had Tycho, and so the first time I'm doing the mom gig on my own. I know it's all going to be fine, and I am holy capable and all that, but it's a lot for me to do by myself, especially when I'm working like crazy ('tis the season). I still am not sure who is taking care of Tycho when I am at work on Sunday. At 6am. Boo.

In other news, here is a sneak peak of the family pictures we did with Ashley for our holiday cards:

Thanksgiving, a day late.

Thanksgiving was good. I was really excited that Tycho would be able to taste everything this year, but he was cranky and ended up napping though dinner. Oh well. He got to try everything tonight with leftovers.

Otherwise, though he was awesome. He gave everyone hugs and kisses, most especially Olivia, my cousin's six month old. Lots and lots and lots of kisses. It was adorable. And did nothing to help with my baby rabies. Le sigh.

Anyway, I am thankful for a lot of things this year. I don't really want to go to the trouble to write them all out right now, because I am lazy, but I am going to force myself, because I think waiting it all out gives me time to really feel the gratitude, and that's important. So here's the list:

1. Tycho. Obviously he is my number one. Not just one my thanksgiving list, but in my life in general. I know I'm a total broken record about how he's so awesome right now and how he keeps getting more awesome, etc., etc., but really, it's the truth. And not only is he awesome, but his obvious love for me gives me life. I expected to be head over heels in love with my kid, but I could never imagine how being loved by him would feel. It's really cool.

2. Kyle. I am super lucky to have found someone who gets me, who loves me, and who works with me to be us. It can be bumpy at times, of course, but in the end we both value what we have and we do what we can to be the best possible partners for each other. It's not always storybook romantic, but I will take stability and partnership over romance any day. And we fit some romance in too.

3. Our house. We are finally in our home and it is AMAZING. There is still a lot of work to be done, and some straggling boxes we have yet to unpack, and I have barely begun to even think about decorating, but having our own space is so so so great, and our neighborhood is perfect, and I am so happy here.

4. My parents. I'm thankful for them for myriad reasons, not least of all because they are financing us so that we can own our home. That's number one of the list of reasons my parents are awesome right now.

5. My job. Not gonna lie, my job can be a thankless pain in the ass, but still I am grateful for it. Despite my frustrations, I really do like what I do. I am engaged and energized at work. I have a great boss and awesome employees, and yeah, a terrible commute, but it's okay. I'm so lucky to get pretty amazing health insurance through my job (no copays! 100% covered preventative care!), which means I never have to worry if I can afford to take my kid to the doctor when he is sick, and since I get coverage for our whole family, Kyle can pursue his dreams without having to worry about what the benefits package looks like.

6. Ashley. I truly have the best best friend ever. She watches Tycho for us while I am at work, and that is nothing short of amazing. Not only does she charge us less that daycare would, but she is totally flexible with my crazy work schedule, and she loves Tycho to pieces. I never ever worry have to worry about him when he is with her, and that allows me to really be present and successful at work. I'm am also infinitely lucky that we got to have babies together and that Tycho gets to spend his days with his own baby best friend. Watching them grow together is crazy awesome.

7. Lastly, the Internet. This probably sounds silly after the rest of my list, but really, it's on there. Modern technology has brought me so much, not least of all my husband, and by consequence my family. It also introduced me to my wonderful community of "imaginary friends", more of whom are becoming real all the time. These women keep me grounded and supported through the highs and lows of my life. They offer me love, humor, wisdom, and a sense if community I didn't even know I was missing. I had to gather them from all over the world, but finding my people means so so much.



That is a lot of things. I am lucky.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want

I really want... another baby? I think? Maybe?

It feels a little crazy. A month ago I was still firmly in the NO WAY NO HOW NOT NOW camp. Which is, I am pretty sure, where my dear husband is still. It kind of snuck up on me. Maybe it's that now Tycho's sleeping through the night, maybe since he's now so clearly a little kid and no longer a baby, maybe I'm finally ovulating again since we're nursing (slightly) less. Maybe.

I can just go back and read my old blog posts and know that pregnancy made me sick and that the newborn stage was so hard and I know that we're finally settling into a good groove here and finding our sea legs and blah blah blah some other such analogy, but I'm feeling all nostalgic about it all right now. I miss sharing my body with my baby, miss being one person, just the two of us. I miss being his whole entire world, both when he was on the inside, and later on the outside, too. Now he has so much more beyond just me, and that is good, wonderful even, but different, and I'm feeling all melancholy.

We're not really quite ready yet. We're going to take ourselves on a grown up vacation, without Tycho (yay for grandmas!) in February, We haven't decided officially yet, but probably Hawaii. But after that, I think I'm ready to get my IUD taken out and see what happens.

Sigh.

the boy these days

Like I said yesterday, time is just flying by. I woke up one day and all of a sudden I have this... kid. He walks. Runs, really. He can say mama and ball and kitty and cookie and uh oh, and he knows that signs for milk and more and all done and he waves bye bye and he will give me kisses and hugs when prompted. He sleeps through the night now. Just like that, nothing we did, but now he doesn't wake up anymore and I don't even know when that happened. When it's time for a bath he takes off his own shirt and steps out of his pants for me. If he wants to read he'll bring me a book and sit next to me and if he doesn't like the book that I've picked he'll bring me another one instead. Magic.

It's a hard time, too. He throws tantrums now when he can't get his way. He doesn't know how to control his emotions and his little body and he throws his cup at me and sweeps everything off the coffee table in anger and wails and he writhes around on the floor and I offer hugs and kisses, but it's not what he wants and I wait it out, and I think I am doing the right thing, but thoughts get muddled through all the screaming.

He's turning out to be a pretty cool guy, though, I must say. He really really really loves the cats, and when he can chase them down he likes to give them big hugs and rub his face in their fur. He likes pressing buttons, which means that sometimes he turns the laundry off mid-cycle. Cars go "vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv". So do boats. He points and asks "wassat?" about anything and everything. Sometimes he will hold my hand and walk in more or less the direction I need us to go, so I don't need to break my back carrying him around so much anymore. He thinks I'm so funny. I think he's so cool.

Time.

WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS BLOG THING?

It's this time of year, a lot of it. Last year I was still on maternity leave during the pre-holiday heavy workload time of year, so I could write infinite posts full of Tycho pictures, but this year I got a promotion and I'm so busy at work and I have a toddler at home and I can't just type with one hand while nursing anymore. I want to blog because I want to capture my life right now because I know that next year (or even next month) I will have forgotten so much of what right now is like. Because it all changes so fast.

But here I am trying.

Tycho at 15 months

Sometimes after Tycho goes to bed at night, or on my lunch break at work on my phone, I like to go through old photos and reminisce. Not old old. Back to this spring or even just to his birthday. That was over three months ago now. It feels like it was yesterday. But then I look back at these pictures and I see this tiny baby boy that I barely recognize. He is already a completely different person, and did his hair really grow that much in such a short time? I remember it already being so long then.

I watch old videos from when he was tiny. Before he could crawl or walk or even sit up by himself. I don't even remember that time. How did this all happen?

That's motherhood, I guess. I need to be better at this. I take tons of pictures, and I'm so happy that I have each and every one of them, but I also need more than just these snapshots. I need to save my experience of what it feels like to be right here in this moment with my 479-day-old little boy, because tomorrow everything might be different.

But at the same time I'm trying also to carve out time for me to just be Astrid and not mama, and I want to prioritize my marriage and alone time with my husband, and I want to be the best that I can at work, and all of these things are so hard to balance. Never mind doing the laundry or sweeping the floor or actually decorating our new home.

I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm mostly happy in all the facets of me. I am a good mother. My baby boy thinks I am the best thing ever. THE. BEST. Period. Nothing tops mama. But sometimes he refuses even me kisses. It's okay. I'm doing great at work, and generally feel energized about being there. I know my job isn't, in the grand scheme of things, very important or meaningful, but I like what I do. I go on dates with my husband once in a while. We are planning a trip just the two of us for after the holidays. Somewhere warm. Maybe Hawaii. Just me is in there somewhere too. Things are good. Now is good. Just hope I can remember it all.

Emergency

Well okay. We took Tycho to the emergency room today.  He had an allergic reaction to his antibiotic.

Seriously, I almost peed my pants when we got up this morning and he was covered in this rash. And the fever. OMG. Those Mama-bear instincts are serious business. I am very proud of myself, though. I didn't cry or panic, and we calmly got ready to go and took him in.

No waiting. I had barely checked him in and they whisked us back to a room. Never had emergency service so fast. At least, though, this was mostly straightforward. He is allergic to sulfa. We just barely finished his antibiotics (last dose this morning before we left), and now we're onto a round of steroids and Benedryl.

He is such a wonderful kid. He is in great spirits despite everything, although just looking at his little swollen body makes me want to cry.

One more "first"

It finally happened. We made it 15 months and four days before Tycho had to go to the doctor for anything other than a checkup. Hopefully we have another 15 months of health ahead of us, because this weekend is not something I'd like to repeat any time soon.

Last Thursday I noticed a welt on Tycho's belly when I was changing his diaper. Looked like a bug bite, I didn't think much of it. But that night it was still hanging around and looking kind of enormous and freaky and of course it was too late to call the doctor. Crap. But due to the common sense of my wonderful girl friends I drew a circle around it and called it a night. And then forgot all about it.

Until Friday morning when I was getting him dressed to get out the door and get me to work, and holy crap! That's a lot bigger than it was last night. We get in the car and head out on our way to Ashley's where he hangs out while I'm at work, but I call the doctor on the way, and they advise me to take an immediate detour. Long story short, they think it was a staph infection, and we got the largest possible dose of antibiotics, and three doctor visits in four days to keep checking up on it. I was almost three hours late to work, which made an already crazy weekend kind of insane. Whew.

Tycho, of course, is a total trooper. You never would have been able to tell he was sick. he has been completely cheerful and happy and delightful. Besides when we're trying to get him to take his medicine. We still have a couple days of antibiotics left, but his rash is almost entirely gone, and the doc has cleared him to do whatever and not infect anyone, and even though he's on tons of drugs, they haven't done anything funky to his system. Couldn't ask for more.

But still, scary. I like my healthy kid. Lets not do that again for a while, okay, Tycho?

Pumpkin-themed photo dump.

In-laws are in town this week. We took Tycho to the pumpkin patch. Mostly just to take cute pictures of him amongst some festive gourds.

Settle down!

Blog! I've missed you! How have you been?

Okay, so we're mostly settled in here at our new casa. Internet, at least. Most of our boxes are unpacked and it feels like home. Still need to get pictures up on the walls. And then decorating for real. It's the busy season at work, though, so it's going to be a slow process. One room at a time, I think. Probably will be easier on our budget that way, too. But anyway, I am loving loving LOVING our house and our neighborhood. It all feels very comfortable and happy and RIGHT. Tycho and Kyle and the kitties are all adjusting awesome, too. We definitely know that we made the right choice.

Still, things are a little crazy, so pictures lately have been pretty much instagram-only, so I don't have a lot to share right now. But, cute baby to tide you over:

More content soon, I swear!

Sick & Tired

Oh hi blog. We're still not quite settled in our new space. Actually, that's not true. Not quite makes it sound like we're almost in, but really we're not even close. Neither of us have been able to take extra time off of work and I got ill and the baby is needy and nothing is getting done and we're still living in a box jungle.

This past week has been really rough on the mama front for me, too. You know, on top of that whole moving thing. Tycho of course ends up cutting one of his canines right as we are moving in. Some girlfriends warned me that canines are the worst, and they weren't kidding. I swear, it was like 36 hours of near-constant screeching. And nursing and nursing and nursing and nursing. No food, just milk. Which was okay, if annoying, until I got sick, and now I am barely dealing.

A bug was going around at work, and when I started dry-heaving in the shower yesterday morning I knew I hadn't managed to avoid it. And why I was so damn tired the night before. I am lethargic and head-achey and dehydrated and weak and pathetic and I DO NOT WANT TO NURSE YOU AGAIN, CHILD.

Tycho FINALLY caught on to the "milk" sign, and he's been asking to nurse constantly and I want to give him positive reinforcement, but sometimes I have just nothing left to give and I tell him no and he screams and flails and bangs his head on the floor and I give in and let him nurse while I sob because I am sick and exhausted and he is draining me of all of my energy.

I want to be done. I don't really want to be done. I don't know what I want. This is hard.



Anyway. We still don't have real internet at the new house. I am on some freaky free wifi that is probably stealing my soul and/or sensitive information. So expect sporadic posting for a while longer.

Moving Day!

The title says is all. We're moving into our new home today, so I will likely be absent for a bit. Not that that's anything out of the ordinary!

Busy

I swear I don't mean to be an asshole and never post, but like, life, man. We truly are very busy right now. It's September, which in the alternate universe that is fashion retail means the holiday season has begun! Are you ready for woolen mittens and down jackets? As such, I've been working crazy overnight hours this week. And next week.

Tomorrow, or later today I guess, we are signing on our new house! I barely want think about it because I have too many emotions about it and while I am stupid excited I also am terrified and I feel so unprepared. Movers are coming Wednesday and I haven't packed a single thing. No idea how we're going to get everything done, but we will figure it out. I am a ball of anxiety about this, but I know this is going to be so good for our family.

The next month is going to be crazy, but hopefully I'll have some updates of substance soon. At the very least, new house pictures!

Battle Wounds

Well, it seems we are solidly in the toddler stage now. Walking is Tycho's preferred method of locomotion. He's still not terribly good at it, though, especially when he's not looking where he's going or he's trying to go to face, or he's walking around somewhere other than a perfectly level indoor space. Or all of the above.

So, my baby currently has two black eyes. One, courtesy of the driveway, and the other from a bathroom cabinet.  I'm sure this is only the beginning.

siiiiiiigh.

Tycho is napping right now so I am just staring at this picture I took of him earlier and thinking about how perfect and amazing he is. That is all.

Shoes

My baby seems to be not so much a baby these days. All of the sudden I see this big kid. Bam! What changed? His shoes.

We he was getting in to the pre-walking thing I bought a pair of outrageously priced See Kai Run adorable squooshy baby sandals. I love them. The kind that are good for early walkers because they are not too structured blah blah blah yuppie mama. But I didn't go crazy and I just bought the one pair and he wore them everywhere and they served us very well, his baby shoes.

But the other day when Ashley took him an Arlo shopping at Target he tossed one somewhere (don't worry, it was later recovered), and so she strapped him into some of Arlo's too big, not yet sneakers. And wow. What a difference a pair of shoes makes.

Hey, little man.

Goodnight, Tycho

Tonight we gave Tycho a bath and put him in his jammies and we brushed his teeth and read a book and sang and nursed and he was still awake and so I told him it was time to go to sleep and I gave him a kiss and turned on the white noise and laid him down and tucked him in and turned out the light and closed the door.

AND THAT WAS ALL.

No tears, no nothing. WHAT THE HECK! I'm so excited! We have such a long way to go still with sleep, but this is a wonderful first step.

TYCHOSTEPS! AGAIN!

Perhaps I am a broken record at this point, but I LOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE Tychosteps. (Also, I love turning everything into a Tychoword: Tychosteps, Tychoman, Tychosmash, whatever.) But I just get all beam-y and ridiculous. And he's getting so good! Every single day he is a little more steady and a little more confident. He likes to carry his big red ball around the living room.  I just love it. I can't even write about it nicely because I'm such a big goober about it. WALKING! AMAZING! Love you, Tychobaby.

Monthlies!

Check it out, blog:

Tycho every month with his "birthday bear" showing us how much he grew in his first year. I'm not one for cutesy projects, but I did this anyway, and I'm so glad because lookit! How is this even the same baby! How was he so impossibly tiny? Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

And month thirteen:

I wonder how long I can keep this up!