Another day

Today is a better day. Yesterday was pretty okay, too, actually. I haven't cried since Friday, but I cried way a lot on Friday, so I guess it all evens out. But at least a little bit I think I'm learning how to live at this new pace that is the end of pregnancy. Living slower is making me feel like I'm not doing quite so much impossible waiting. I'm sleeping in and taking leisurely showers and generally not clock-watching and probably moving half as slow as the rest of the world, but I think that's for the best. The only hard part is that no one else is on my new schedule, so it can get kind of lonely. Everyone else also has lives and jobs and things, and I think are reserving their time for later, because it's much more exciting to hang out with a newborn baby than a bitchy term pregnant woman.

However. Kyle and I wandered and ate our way around the Bite of Seattle yesterday, which is pretty much the perfect event for a pregnant woman, and today BFF and I did some mall-walking, Frappuccino -drinking, and nursing-apparel shopping. I am a much happier person if I get out of the house and do something, anything, at least once a day. Tomorrow the only thing I have planned so far is a pedicure, but that is something at least. And beyond that, who knows. I'm having a hard time thinking more than one day ahead at this point. Everything seems far too uncertain.

I am starting to feel like I'm living in some sort of dream world. The longer things go, the less real anything feels. Kind of like the early weeks of my pregnancy where in between bouts of nausea I wouldn't have any symptoms and my body hadn't started changing yet and I would feel like I had imagined it all. Obviously, I am huge and clearly pregnant, but the reality of getting a baby sometime in the next week and a half seems to recede further and further into the distance. A week ago I felt like labor was imminent and I was ready, and now... it all just seems impossible. I feel like I am sitting in a nursery decorated for no one, and that I'm going to turn into a crazy lady pushing around an empty stroller. It is very strange and surreal.

But I guess it will all be over soon. This is the last month I will be pregnant. I will have a baby in the next couple weeks. This will end, and I will have my new reality and it will be good. I just need to remain calm and patient. I'm doing okay at that today.

34

You know what sucks? Rain. Still messing with my all dresses all the time plan. I am probably unecessarily angry about this. I think I went through 12 outfits today before I settled on one that didn't make me feel like crying, and I wasn't really even planning to leave the house or do anything productive. This last bit of pregnancy? Infuriating.

34 weeks today. I need to get my shit together. Today I googled every single family practice and pediatrician covered by my insurance so I can get going on finding a doctor for baby boy. It's 2011, you'd think the internet would be a lot more helpful when it comes to finding a doctor, but no, not really. Rarely did I find a doctor that had reviews, and almost never was the information in the reviews helpful. That's nice that he had a friendly receptionist, but what's his attitude on vaccines? Ugh. I keep getting the feeling that I'm going about this all wrong, because if it was this hard for everyone I would have heard about it, right? Maybe?

But hard as they are, things are going. Kyle is going to put our childcare deposit down tomorrow, assuming the space is still open--cross your fingers, because otherwise we are shit outta luck on that front. Our childbirth class is going well. Penny Simkin is truly the bees knees. I wish she could be my doula.  We're setting up appointments with doulas, too. Better late than never, I suppose. And I got myself accepted into a pilot study about placenta encapsulation and post partum mood disorders, so get that done for free. And I'm like, participating in science, woo. Tomorrow mom is coming over to help me paint our "nursery." I don't know why I am using the quotes there, since it is just the nursery, but it doesn't really feel real yet. Something.

I've gone down to four days a week at work. Three this week because of the holiday. I'm not super happy about it, and I'm only doing it because I have PTO I have to use up by the end of the month. I was hoping it would last a little longer and I could roll it into my maternity leave, but no such luck. But honestly, I think I kind of needed to step back a little anyway, because I am exhausted.

Too exhausted to think of a way to wrap this up. The end.

Eight "Months"

Hot damn, I am 32 weeks pregnant today! That's eight months, I guess, if you're the sort who likes to pretend that every month is made up of exactly four weeks, but then you would be wrong. Still. Saying that I am eight months pregnant is kind of awesome, so I will do that a little bit right now. EIGHT MONTHS, BITCHES!

Okay then. So this means I will be officially full term, and in my "due time" (as my yoga teacher says) in five weeks. FIVE. WEEKS. Holy shit do I have a lot to do.

Although I haven't yet done a lot of what I need to do, I'm feeling a lot better about my situation, and at the very least I have a PLAN and things. And my very first ever diapers came in the mail today! And I got permission from my landlord to paint! And we started our childbirth class! Things are feeling fairly imminent, and right now that's a good feeling. Can't guarantee anything about tomorrow, though.

31 Weeks

Hmm, I should probably do a 31 week post before I hit 32 weeks tomorrow. Perhaps. Maybe.

This might be the first ever picture of
me where I look 25 and not 17.

Things are rolling right along. Pregnancy is starting to feel interesting again. The second trimester was kind of boring me out of my mind, what with the nothing happening and all that, so it's nice to feel like there are milestones and changes and stuff again. Midwife appointments every two weeks! Childbirth classes! Dearest son kicking me in the cervix on a regular basis! Crying for no reason! Wheeeeee!

But things are mostly good. I've come to terms with staying put in our terrible crappy townhouse for the time being, probably at least through next January. Kyle helped me rearrange pretty much all our furniture so we can turn our second bedroom into a nursery, and we got permission from our landlord to paint, so I can expend my nervous energy on something slightly more productive than hand-wringing.

Things are still terrifying on the daycare front, as every center in our area and price range (and most of those out of it) have waiting lists until at least January, when I need to go back to work in October, so, um.... yeah. I guess the plan is to stick ourselves on all those lists and cross our fingers that something opens up. Because I HAVE TO go back to work after 12 weeks, and I HAVE TO go back full time, otherwise we no longer have like, health insurance, and that seems kind of important with a new baby and everything. It really sucks to be in a position that we don't get to choose the best care for our kid, but are instead just waiting for something, anything to open up. Clearly I'm not quite okay with this yet. I have stopped crying about it, though, so there's been some progress.

Start the countdown

Ten weeks left. Give or take, I suppose.

Interesting, on Wednesday, when I officially hit the 30 week mark I woke up feeling way more pregnant than I did the day before. All of the sudden I am constantly uncomfortable. Just navigating the world normally has become far more difficult. I'm all unwieldy and off balance and I can't walk at a reasonably fast speed to save my life. It seems strange that things don't happen at a slow constant rate, but rather pop up overnight.

At 28 weeks it felt like I had forever to go, but with ten weeks left I realize how much I have left to do and I am sure this time is going to just fly by. Kyle helped me rearrange furniture last weekend. We brought his desk down into our living room to free up space in our second bedroom for a nursery. But the room needs a serious deep clean, and (pending landlord approval) a couple coats of paint before I can start unpacking all the boxes of baby gear, and organizing tiny clothing and what have you. Lots to do.

Trimester the Third

Well then. Yesterday marked the first day of this last trimester of my pregnancy. The home stretch! 12 weeks right now feels about 10 weeks too many, but I know the time will just fly by. The last trimester certainly did. I have no idea where the last three months went.

And happy third trimester to me, what should I find when I leave my house for work but my brand new stroller waiting for me on my front step. (Kyle's aunties all chipped in.)

Yay! I was expecting it, but still. I probably let out some sort of high-pitched yelp when I opened the door.  It feels like a huge weight off my shoulders to have some of the big stuff out of the way. I'm expecting our crib to arrive tomorrow. A gift from Kyle's parents... you know, on top of hosting us and throwing me an awesome baby shower and making me that beautiful mobile. Cool.

Another exciting third trimester milestone: yesterday was the first time I peed myself a little bit when I coughed. Awesome.

From Seattle Rain to Cleveland Showers

Well, we're back in Seattle, and so glad to be home. Our trip was great, but spending time with Kyle's family is exhausting, and it's a relief for things to return to normal,  or at least as normal as they can be on the eve of my third trimester.

We got into Cleveland on Wednesday morning, but we didn't do a whole lot that day. Kyle caught up on sleep, as he is terrible at red-eye flights. Mostly just some catching up with the in-laws, and enjoying some free time off from work and home responsibilities.

On Thursday night Kyle got a chance to spend some time with some of his college buddies when my Mother-in-Law threw me a baby shower. It was fun, if very traditional and totally not me. I joke that I get to have a midwestern version of everything. We had our traditional midwestern reception in Ohio after our offbeat Seattle wedding, and this was definitely my traditional midwestern shower.

MIL got the whole set of corny decorations, and had me put my merchandising skills to work doing the decorating.

The shower was "small" with "only" very close family. So, about seventeen of us. And lots of wine. It was rowdy, to say the least. I think rowdy is the only way that Kyle's family does things. We'd played dumb shower games, and had some of Kyle's cousins show us their latest Irish step dancing routine.

We made out with a ton of loot, including some of the "big things" that I was starting to get anxious about, but my favorite gift was inexpensive and homemade. My MIL sent a piece of origami paper to each home in Kyle's family and had them all write us a wish. And then she folded them all into paper cranes and turned it into a mobile.

It is beautiful. Like, I gasped. It was hanging in the dining room when we first arrived, and I noticed it right away. "Wow, that is so pretty, when did you get that?" I asked. I was totally blown away that it was for me. For us.

I can't imagine taking it apart, but I also can't wait to see what's been written inside all of the cranes.  I think I'm going to unfold each one, take a picture of the message, and put it all back together, and then make a blurb photobook or something, so we can enjoy all parts of it. Seriously, I love this.